This Wasn't My Plan

Ohio is rejoining the United States of America!

2012-02-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

"Is it safe to come out yet?" Almost, Blink - Almost! This little pit bull impostor just heard news that Ohio Governor John Kasich is expected to sign HB14 in his home state. When he does, dogs just like her can come out of hiding -- They can be judged by their behavior instead of their looks. History is ALMOST here!

(Alright, she really is a pit bull, but if she lived in Ohio I'd have to pretend (and believe me they killed them anyway even without proof on just looks alone) she was something else or they would of killed her)

Those days are coming to an end. Thank you to all the pit bull advocates who work so tirelessly to bring sanity back into dog laws across the country.

"It's Halftime in America"

2012-02-08T19:01:00.002-05:00

I saw this commercial being talked about on Facebook. Which means people have probably been talking about it for a while. Since I'm about a week behind everyone else's times I'm sure you've seen it. But it's a first for me so I'm sharing. I read that there have been complaints that it is political. I really like the message. It must have worked as a commercial too, since I wanted to go out and by a GM product.

I don't care if it's political. I get annoyed by people who get their panties in a bunch over "political" stuff. If you don't like it. Tough!

I Almost Fell Off the Beam Last Night

2012-02-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

As an alcoholic I sometimes have "alcohol" thoughts. Just passing thoughts about having a drink, or sometimes if I'm feeling restless, irritable or discontent I ruminate about how "just one" would take the edge off. Of course I've never had "just one" in my entire life, so who am I kidding. Fortunately, not myself.

Last night I'm driving to work and a thought passed on through about how refreshing a gin and tonic would taste. That thought almost immediately progressed to how good a pitcher would taste. Followed by how nice it would be to just tie one on and not have to deal with the feelings of irritability, restlessness and discontent that I have been dealing with recently.

Life on life's terms hasn't been easy lately. I'm tired, physically and mentally. I know that while getting drunk sounds like a great way to take a break from reality, it's really a fools dream. Opening that door is a ticket to hell and the path back out is littered with those who don't survive.

I don't want to go back there, I can't. So I start making phone calls. Reaching out to my AA friends is my first line of defense when my disease gets a step up on me. So I start dialing. I get someone on the phone and one of the first questions she asks me is, "Is it possible that I ingested something recently that could have triggered the allergy?" You know what, now that you mention it I had a cold last week and took some cold medicine I've never taken before. I took it for a few days and then realized that I was getting excited waiting for the next dose to be due. Normally I don't take anything without looking at the ingredients. It's just too risky. But I didn't at the time. When I realized that I was thinking about the next dose I knew something wasn't right and read the ingredients. There it was, the second ingredieant, alcohol. Crap! No more of that medicine. So I thought about it for a day or two then forgot about it, end of story? Apparently not. Alcoholism (and food addiction, for that matter) is cunning, baffling and powerful, a week later and the power boost my disease got by me ingesting alcohol is still affecting me.

Last night I came the closest I have ever come to picking up a drink since I've been in recovery. The important part is I didn't, but that doesn't mean that I won't face this challenge again.

The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of- Follow Up.....

2012-02-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

This morning I received a call from my vet. She was wondering how Malka was doing and wanted to know if we had followed up with the local SPCA.

My personal beliefs are that you take responsibility for your own actions and as much as I was disturbed by what happened the facts are that Malka was not on our property and not under our control and that is why she wandered into a mine field of traps. What ever my personal beliefs are, trapping is legal in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.  So anyway......

The vet was concerned because state law states that the traps have to be checked every twenty four hours once they are laid out. Since several of the animals in the area were in various stages of decomposition obviously that had not been happening. She suggested that I go over and take some pictures and forward them to the SPCA for follow up.

She's right and I agreed. I wasn't exactly excited to go there, to say the least, but I felt the purpose was worth it. The Scientist agreed to show me the way.

Baseball Boy, who has been working hard to come to terms with what he saw that night, wanted to go. I didn't think that was a good idea at all, nope not at all. He actually slept last night for the first time, why would he want to go back and refresh that picture.

Fortunately, I have learned from program and past experience to really listen when someone expresses interest in something instead of just blowing them off because of what I think.

Baseball Boy makes his case. He states that a large part of his fear came from the fact it was so dark he felt closed in and trapped. He said he thinks he would feel better if he saw the area in the day light with me there to help him understand what had happened to the animals. He also felt that seeing it without Malka laying on the ground would leave him with a better picture to replace the one in his head now. I found myself agreeing to let him go. I still surprise myself sometimes. The Vet didn't want to go, so she stayed home, no explanation necessary.

As we are walking The Scientist and Baseball Boy are pointing out some of the areas they searched that day. When we get close to the large branch pile we stop. I confirm that they are up for this, since it's not really necessary for them to go any further. Both feel they need to face their fear. I am impressed by their courage. I didn't want to be there and I wasn't there Saturday night.

As we walk around to the other side of the branch pile they pause. It's not what they remember at all. I am relieved. As much as I would have liked to forward pictures to the SPCA for follow up I really didn't want to see the scene of the crime. I am far from squeamish, there was nothing there I hadn't seen before, I just didn't need to add another scene of carnage to the already full catalog in my head.

Who ever owns the traps must have heard what happened because there was not a trap to be found. The only carcasses were the remains of two deer who had obviously been dressed, and they were together in the pile. All the other remains were no longer there. The innards of the deer that had been spread around as bait were gone.   The Scientist and Baseball Boy were able to point out where everything had been, clearly someone had put a lot of effort in cleaning up the scene.

So there won't be a follow up with the SPCA who really needed pictures to start an investigation. I don't care, I'm just happy that the traps are no longer laid out. I'm not naive enough to think that they haven't been moved to another area but at least my children will not have to loose sleep wondering if any animals are losing their life back there every time they walk down that road.

So how's Malka doing:

Malka's injuries were worse than they first appeared but fortunately she's recovering. Apparently she was in worse shape than we thought originally. The swelling in her leg has slowly gone down, and she only has a slight limp. But on Monday morning when I took her out to potty she peed three times in different spots. Not normal for her. So I grabbed a urine sample and took it down to the vets. We had the results later in the day.   Her already weak kidneys had begun to shut down. They are improving but this caused a sludge type substance (has a fancy name that I can't remember) to be excreted through her urine. She also has a lot of blood in her urine too. The kidney failure caused her to not eat. She needs good food and lots of extra fluid to flush the crap out of her kidneys so they can hopefully heal. So I broke out one of my get the dog to eat tricks.  You take a pound of chicken livers and put them in a big pot and fill it with water. Bring it to a boil until the livers are well cooked. It is gross but just what the doctor ordered for a finicky dog. A couple of pieces of liver along with a couple of cups of the water from the pot in their regular food and ta da the dog eats and gets extra water too.

Yesterday afternoon for the first time Malka showed definite signs of improvement. She's eating more heartily and is acting more energetic. She'll also be on antibiotics for a month so she doesn't develop any secondary infections. She's had problems with her kidneys before. In a few weeks we'll rerun the tests to see if her renal function has returned to her baseline normal.

I'm just happy we have her back. Even another hour out there and she probably wouldn't of made it. Every day we have her is a gift.

The Problem with "Learning the Hard Way"

2012-02-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

is that sometimes it results in death. Hopefully not yours (although sometimes that the case) but in this case it was the death of two of our chickens.

When The Scientist was a toddler I used to ask her, "do you want to do it the easy way or the hard way? The choice is yours." It didn't take her long to figure out that the easy way was the preferred choice. Of course this came back to bite me later on when she was forced to do things the hard way to get the result she wanted, but I guess that part of the learning curve too. As a small aside: One day we were pulling into a shopping center and she asked what store we were going into and I said, "The hardware store." She started to cry and said she didn't want to go to the hardware store she wanted to go to the easyware store. Chalk another one up in the tell your therapist when your 30 column. Anyway, no surprise, I digress.

In the winter the kids regret having chickens. It's cold, the wind whips across our yard, it gets dark really early and they eat more, mostly because they are bored but also because they burn more calories keeping warm. So for three months out of the year there is a lot of complaining about who's turn it is to care for them.

Well, this winter they started getting lazy about making sure their feeder was always full. It was rarely empty but instead of constantly filling it they would wait until it was empty to fill it. The reaction that caused was subtle and not recognized until it resulted in a very painful lesson for them.

You see hens have a pecking order (pecking/chickens/get it?). We can't do anything about it and it changes as the birds age, new birds are added to the flock or just because, but if you spend any time observing them you will clearly see who's in charge and who's at the bottom of the order.

So what was happening, unbeknown to the kids, was the chickens were rationing their food because there wasn't a unending supply of food anymore. The dominant birds were preventing the two birds at the bottom of the order from freely eating. Even this probably wouldn't of been enough to kill them, they were getting some food. Then the straw that broke the camels back occurred.

Every now and then one of the hens doesn't make it back into the coop at night. For whatever reason they fall asleep outside and when the coop gets closed up they wind up spending the night under the stars. This can be a problem if there are predators in the area but our run is enclosed so that isn't as much of an issue.

The two hens at the bottom of the pecking order for a reason that will remain unknown didn't return to the coop one night last week. What made this even stranger was it had been pouring rain all evening and they don't normally like to be out in the rain for long. The kids are supposed to make sure everyone is in before they close it up, but that doesn't always happen. It's dark, cold, windy, raining, essentially miserable; no head count usually occurs on those nights.

When the sun came up Baseball Boy went out to open up the coop for the day. He found Oreo and Jersey laying in the run next to the coop. Both were soaking wet and had died during the night. The temperatures had dropped dramatically and I was surprised to find both birds were underweight. I think that between being wet and too thin they were unable to withstand the cold overnight.

This isn't the first time we've gone out in the morning to find dead hens. You learn to accept that farm animals do not have the life expectancy of family pets and they in general live a riskier life. But that doesn't make it any easier on the kids who almost instantly realized what happened and that the birds being underweight contributed to their demise.

So they learned a lesson the hard way, and Oreo and Jersey paid the price. I'm sure that they would would cry and want to learn it at the easyware store, if only that were possible.

In My Head.....

2012-02-01T01:17:00.000-05:00

One of the guys I work with showed me this video last night. He thought it was cool and had a catchy tune. For the love of G-d I can not get it out of my head. I must have watched it 50 times today. The Scientist and I are hooked. The Vet just shook her head and walked away with disgust after the fifth viewing. Apparently, we are just having a little too much fun for her taste. What do you think?

Click the link below.
WE VANDY!

The Stuff Nightmares are Made Of

2012-01-30T00:22:00.003-05:00

Malka

Doesn't she look innocent. Like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. In previous posts I've referred to her as Houdini. A nickname that will have to change due to an addition to our clan who now bares the name. Even though her nickname will change her ability to escape, sadly has not.

Saturday almost became her last day on earth. I don't know what was going through her head when she pushed the fence out and slipped away but it was almost a fatal mistake.

If not for the persistence of three very tenacious children she might not be with us today. One of whom got an ambulance ride to a local hospital for the effort and Malka who got a ride in a fire rescue truck for her part. Yes, it was a very interesting day.

As most "interesting" days it started out as any other routine Saturday. The Engineer and the kids had chores to do and errands to run. They returned home around four in the afternoon. Someone let the dogs out and about 15 minutes later the entire course of the next 10 hours changed dramatically.

It's cold outside and Mickey does not like cold weather. It took him fifteen minutes to burn off a little energy, do a perimeter check for errant squirrels and bunnies and do his business. His latest trick is to jump up and ring the door bell when he wants to come in, when we answer the ring both dogs are usually standing there patiently waiting. That was not the case yesterday.

Only Mickey greeted The Engineer when he answered the door. A few minutes later when Malka hadn't returned he started calling her. The beginning of hours of yelling her name.

Faithful readers know this isn't her first escape. The few times she has gotten out she returned after we called her. When she didn't come this time the kids bundled up and started walking, calling her name. The Engineer got in his car and started driving. I was at work unaware of the drama playing out at home.

Later on when it became obvious that she wasn't coming back I received my first of many panicked phone calls and text messages from the kids.

As darkness fell along with temperatures the wind picked up and our hopes for finding her plummeted. We notified local police departments and a large veterinary clinic in the area (the only one open late on a Saturday). Her tags are up to date and she's micro chipped but that was little consolation with the weather and her lack of street skills.

At 11 PM The Engineer returned home to heat up some soup for some frozen kids who refused to give up. About fifteen minutes after he got home the kids, who insisted on staying out looking, heard a dog bark. A quick phone call to The Engineer and all four of them were slogging through a swampy field in the direction they thought the sound came from.

The wind was whipping across the field so hard that even yelling it was hard to hear. Nothing else could be heard above the sound of the wind.

Even with flashlights finding a black dog on a dark, cloudy night seemed hopeless. As they came across an area with large piles of branches they stopped to listen. That's where they found her. Laying silently on the ground, her front paw caught in a trap. When they bent down to touch her fearing the worst, only the end of her tail barely wagged. Relief was shortlived when they saw the trap and realized that getting her out of there was not simply going to be a matter of picking her up and hiking back out. The trap had her paw tight and it was frozen to the ground.

The Engineer, shining his flashlight around looking for something to try and pry the trap up saw what can only be described as a horror movie come to life. It turned out all three kids and The Engineer were standing amid an entire area layed out with traps all set to snare unsuspecting animals. A recently gutted deer was spread around as bait, several skinned animals (believed to be foxes) were thrown about and numerous other animal carcasses in varing stages of decomposition were everywhere.

At work my phone rings and I am instantly relieved that Malka has been found, but my relief didn't last long when the details of their situation became apparent.

Fortunately, one of the pluses of living in a rural area is the local volunteer fire company still does animal rescues. Describing their location was a little complicated but it wasn't long before help was on the way.

As The Engineer tried to reassure the kids and block them from the frigid wind Baseball Boy said he didn't feel good. Before anyone could respond his eyes rolled back and he fell backwards, passed out cold. Lifting him up brought him around momentarilly, but Baseball Boy only mumbled something about being tired before going out again. Once again my cell phone rang and the panic in The Scientist's voice was palpable.

Another phone call to the fire company and an ambulance was dispatched along with them. That's when I left work. The 45 minute ride home took about 30 minutes. About half way home The Scientist called me with an update. The Engineer and Baseball Boy are on the way to the hospital and the fire company had brought Malka and the girls back to the house to wait for me.

I walk in the door and I'm greeted by Mickey, his usual exuberance muted, even he realizes that something is wrong. I find Malka laying on the sofa. She doesn't lift her head but the tip of her tail is wagging. The girls are flanking her, both pale, and obviously exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I quickly check her paw and am relieved to find it firmly attached, it was swollen but didn't appear deformed. She's too weak to get up so I pick her up and carry her out to the van. On the way to the emergency clinic I call ahead and they were waiting for us when we arrived.

She is an American Pit Bull Terrier. Stoic doesn't begin to describe her. The vet wanted to see if she could stand or walk. I reluctantly put her down, she wobbles slightly, then pulls herself together. With some urging she hesitently takes a few steps. It's obviously painful but she puts weight on her injured paw. The vet goes over her from head to toe and cleans her injured paw. She was very lucky. No bones appear to be broken. We pack her up and take her home.

The Scientist, The Vet and Malka all tucked in safely at home and I head to the hospital. I find Baseball Boy awake and alert with The Engineer sitting by his side. Baseball Boy is wrapped in what looks like a giant space bag inflated with circulating warm air. It appears that Baseball Boy was overcome from the combination of hypothermia and stress. A follow up this week with his doctor should confirm that diagnosis.

Malka's leg this morning was swollen to twice it's normal size. She can barely walk on it but she's still so exhausted she not in any rush to go anywhere anyway. We're all tired today and the kids are still processing what they saw last night.

Their tenancity, which can drive me insane sometimes, saved Malka's life. She wouldn't have survived the night out there. They wouldn't give up looking for her.

I bought rebar today to secure the fence where she got out, Mickey and Malka will not be outside unsupervised until it's repaired.

Is It Food?

2012-01-27T17:00:00.002-05:00

I found this really cool graphic on Michael Prager's blog. He wrote, "Fat Boy, Thin Man", a book that is on my intend to read to list. If your interested in food addiction or how "Big Foods" are controlling how we eat, head on over and give a read.

I have a lot to say about how many foods today aren't really "food" but it's going to have to wait for another day. Just wanted to throw this out there and see what you think.

Book Review- Unsaid

2012-01-26T09:35:00.002-05:00

Book Review - Unsaid by Neil Abramson

If you are expecting something literary forget it.

One word summation: Page turner (okay so it's two words, fire me)

This book was a gift from my vet. One of her clients gave her a copy and she couldn't put it down. She so identified with the main character that she bought copies for all her friends. I was a lucky recipient of one of the copies.

The main character is a veterinarian named Helena. Happily married to David, a big city attorney, and living and working in the country with her own group of damaged animals, she is diagnosed with cancer at the age of 37.

After she passes away, her devastated husband is approached by a woman that Helena worked with in a research laboratory before they met. She is trying to save a chimpanzee who is scheduled for a research experiment that will most likely take her life.

David, who is struggling with his own grief and trying to care for Helena's beloved animals, agrees to take on the case.

The story is told from the view of Helena as she is trapped between this world and the next. Unable to move on, terrified to face the animals she has helped pass on during her years as a veterinarian.

I really enjoyed this book. I would recommend it to anyone who loves animals and believes that they have the potential to communicate. The court room drama that unfolds left me with tears in my eyes.

133 Down 4877 to Go

2012-01-25T20:55:00.003-05:00

It's Girl Scout cookie season again. Woo hoo!!

Every year the Girl Scouts offer incentive prizes. The "big" prize is always something that makes the girls salivate with excitement. This year is no different. They are offering an I-Pod Touch to any girl that sells 2500 boxes of cookies. That's a lot of cookie dough.

My girls sell together. So since they have to split their sales they plan to sell 5000 boxes so they each may have their own I-Pod Touch. They'll spend the next three months working side by side selling cookies but don't want to consider sharing one. I don't even try to understand teenage logic.

"You Can't Make Me!"

2012-01-24T12:17:00.004-05:00

If I had a nickle for every time I've heard that in the last few months I could retire. We'll technically The Vet is right, I can't make her.

But (yep there it is again folks, some things don't change), I am only legally obligated to supply you with food, shelter and clothing and that can be arraigned. On the menu for tonight's dinner, by special request, sardines (protein), potato flakes (starch) and okra (veggie). Enjoy. Oh you don't like such foods. They assault your tender pallet. Bummer, you can't make me cook anything I don't want to. Bon Appetite.

One Year Later ( well almost )

2012-01-23T14:31:00.008-05:00

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've posted.

Last night I couldn't sleep. What used to be a normal occurrence, rarely occurs today. So since I did most of my writing late at night, while the world slumbered around me, it stands to reason that not much happens in my blogger world anymore.

But last night sleep eluded me. So much has happened in my world in the last year. So many changes, none of them recorded for posterity (probably a good thing in some cases). But last night I read back over some of my older posts and enjoyed some fond memories. I started thinking about how much pleasure I got out of this ~~time sucker~~ blog. Inflicting my random thoughts and irritations on my faithful readers, sharing some good times and some not so good.

Blogging about why I'm not blogging is stupid and a waste of everyones time so I'm moving on.

Here's just a quick update in the cast of characters who live in my world (man that sounds arrogant).

Rusty's Mom: Still a homeschooling mom, dog loving, EMT, vet tech. 110 lbs lighter food addict, recovering alcoholic (yeah, you read that right). It took me decades to admit it, but I've given up the fight. My addictions don't define me anymore, but I'm still trying to figure out who the real Rusty's Mom is, my journey continues.

The Engineer: Still the same old Type A, perfectionist. Without food to hide behind, some of his quirks irritate the hell out of me now, but hey, like I said it's all a journey.

The Scientist: Still scary smart. 13 years old and is studying for her college entrance exams. But still the consummate teenager. Oh boy, what blog fodder she has been.

The Vet: Social butterfly. Walks around all day with a cell phone in her hand, texting. Does anyone under the age of 21 actually talk on a phone?

Baseball Boy: Finally decided that learning to read might not be such a bad idea after all. Once he put his mind to it, wow Mom that was easy, what was all the fuss about. He hasn't played baseball in a few years but wants to again this spring. But he still loves the game so his name remains the same.

Mickey/Malka: A little older, a little wiser but still curled up sleeping next to each other on the couch.

Daisy: Hasn't cost me anymore large sums of money but it's only a matter of time since she decided that she wanted to be an indoor/outdoor cat. Makes me nervous every time she slips out the door.

Additional cast of characters: Chickens, snakes, fish and a bunny.

I don't have time for this, but it sure was fun. Figures.

Meet Marty..

2011-03-19T16:17:00.006-04:00

He's 3 years old and at least 3 1/2 feet long. Right before he sheds he likes to lay in his water bowl. That's what he's up to here. Curled up tight as he can and jammed in snug as a bug in a rug. He is a corn snake and a typical orange color. He is lovingly cared for by The Scientist.

You see last summer I signed all three kids up for a pet care program at the local library. I should have known better. I figured they had an assortment of the pets so what else could there be, right? Will I ever learn? These are all rhetorical questions since I've been been down this path before.

It was a 4H program and the kids really enjoyed it. On reptile day The Scientist came home with all sorts of grand ideas about reptiles, especially the snakes. Her latest obsession was born. Immediately she wants to get her own snake. Are you kidding me, a snake!! I'm not afraid of them, I just don't consider them pets. They're more like a wild animal to me. I'm more a mammal kinda girl. But The Scientist will not be dissuaded. So I send her on a mission to learn all she can about snakes, hoping (but secretly knowing better) that she will burn herself out and get over it. A month or so later The Engineer takes all three kids to a small local zoo that was having an open house. I'm at work oblivious to what's happening. Later that night I hear how The Scientist found an error on a sign attached to the snake cage. She took her findings to the owner of the zoo who was very impressed with her knowledge of snakes. He gave her the inside tour of the zoo and offered to give her a baby snake when one became available. The Engineer was impressed and I was stunned when he reversed his decision to let her get a snake. What the heck, I was depending on his resounding "NO WAY" to get me out of this.

The other part of the deal was we weren't going to foot the bill for this little critter.

Tell me, do you think that a snake still technically qualifies as a critter? Never mind....

Somewhere along the line The Scientist and The Vet got a regular babysitting job. Both had been working together and saving their money. It wasn't long before The Scientist had the cash for a snake. All along she had been researching reptile rescues and corn snake forums (all her research showed a corn snake to be the perfect first snake) so when the cash became available she knew what she needed and was all set when the zoo called and said, "We have one for you."

If you'll follow the time line you'll see that this happened late last summer, and that they offered her a baby snake, which is what she got. Back track to the first paragraph and you'll see Marty is 3 years old. It doesn't take a math wiz to figure that Marty wasn't her first snake. Her first snake was a baby girl. Her short stay with us is a topic for another post and another layer of fodder for her to share with her therapist when she's thirty.

Back to Marty. About one week after Marty came to live with us The Scientist and The Vet were laid off from their babysitting job. The slump in the economy knows no age limits apparently. Fortunately, after the initial start up fees reptiles are pretty inexpensive to keep. Well, as long as they are healthy. I'm in denial about vet costs for reptiles, so I'm not going there. We have a bag of frozen mice in the freezer that will hold for a while so he's happily fed without tapping into my budget.

So Marty has grown on me. He loves to wrap around my neck and crawl through my hair. He's even rested his head on my glasses a few times. He's a very gentle snake. Easy to hold and is especially fond of The Scientist. He's certainly not cuddly but he's not a wild animal either. I have some better pictures of him and hope to add them soon enough. And of course like every animal that finds it's way into our home, he has his own set of stories to tell.

Honey I'm Home....

2011-03-15T17:02:00.006-04:00

Did you miss me? I sure missed you guys. It may be hard for some of you to believe but I have been without a laptop for all this time. I had limited access to a PC off and on but nothing steady. I've had to weed through literally hundreds of emails in the last few days. I also learned a few things over these last few months...

1) I can live without email. In fact, I enjoyed not being a slave to the call of the ping.

2) Blogging rocks but it is a time sucker.

3) I missed my forums, instant access to information and I had a lot of overdue books at the library.

4) When you're saving your money for something you thought was so important and other things happen (a hole in our roof, 6 new tires on two cars in one week, and a car accident that totaled The Engineer's car) you realize what really is a priority in your life.

Some good blogging fodder has passed but I'm sure I'll get you caught up in the next few weeks but in the mean time let me give you a quick update..

My new laptop is Window's based. As much as I would of loved a MAC I just couldn't afford one. I'm happy just to be back to the 21st Century.

Speaking of 21st Century, I still don't have an I-Pod or a Kindle but I'd love one. They're next on my list.

I'm working full time again. With prices rising almost daily and The Engineer not getting a raise last year and not expected to get one for another two it was just getting too tight for comfort.

I had to give up volunteering at the vet's office. I hope to go back when the kids are a little older.

I did get a new cell phone with a QWERTY (did I spell that right?) keyboard. Texting has slowly crept into my life as a result.

OA update: I celebrated 10 months of abstinence on March 3rd and I've lost 76 lbs.

We've added additional critters....details to follow.

I survived another season as a Cookie Mom.

The Scientist, The Vet and Baseball Boy (who doesn't play baseball anymore) are growing like weeds.

Anyway folks, that's enough for now....time to get dinner started.

Death of a Laptop

2010-08-16T06:29:00.002-04:00

(Taps playing in the background)..........

My laptop finally succumbed to years of use and abuse. I didn't get the dreaded blue screen; it can't even get that far. I don't know what to do. It's very old, should I replace it (like I have money for that HA HA)? Should I repair it? Are you kidding, they'd laugh at me it's so old. It might not even be worth the money to find out exactly what's wrong.

Fortunately I knew it was going and two days before it dropped dead I backed up the hard drive. That is how I know there is a G-d and he loves me. Because anyone who knows me, knows that only a miracle could override by ability to procrastinate and get that done.

I need advice. All I use the thing for is blogging, email/Internet and downloading photo's from my camera, which I then transfer to CD when I get enough to fill a CD, then delete. I also use it to copy CD's and DVD's.

What should I do?

RIP Rusty's Laptop, you served me well and I'll miss you.

Yes, there are good people out there.

2010-08-15T17:39:00.002-04:00

The last week has been a difficult one. A couple of things happened that really rocked me. One I've completely put behind me and after the second one occurred it really highlighted how insignificant the first one really was. I know it's mean to do this but I can't talk about either one of them yet. For now you'll just have to know that it was a crappy week.

I usually work on Saturday nights but yesterday I switched shifts with another EMT so he could pick up another shift at another squad. So I worked during the day yesterday and was home last night. This morning I woke up, rested, at about 9 AM. I was ready to spend the day with the family and was looking forward to it. At 9:15 AM my cell phone rang and ruined all my plans. It was my boss. She asked me if I was planning to come to work today. At that very moment I remembered that I was supposed to be at work at 7 AM. Apparently they didn't notice I wasn't there until 9 AM (just kidding). My boss, being ever so empathetic told me to get my ass to work. She told me to shower when I got there. Of course I said sure, knowing that there is no way I am stepping foot in the showers at the squad. I told myself as I jumped in the shower that by the time I gathered all the necessary items to shower there I'd be done my shower. While I'm in the shower my husband asks what he can do to help me. I asked him to pack my breakfast. I didn't know what to tell him about lunch. So I get to work and we get a call right away. Then on the way back we were going to stop at the grocery store and as we were pulling into the parking lot we were dispatched to that very grocery store for a seizure patient. So I didn't get my lunch but we got there pretty quick to help him.

On the way back from the hospital we stop at a convenience store. I go in and get my food and I go to check out and my debit card is declined. I am surprised and don't really know what to do. All I have is the debit card, no cash, no other cards and me not eating a meal is very bad indeed. The clerk is kind but there isn't anything she can do. I go over to the ATM to check my balance and it tells me I have $2.00 in my checking account. That's it, it's over, no food for me. Dejected I walk back over to the clerk to tell her I don't have the money and to put the stuff back. As I'm walking over the gentleman who was standing behind me in line asks me if I have the money for my lunch. I told him I was embarrassed to say that I didn't. Bless his kind heart he offered to pay for my food. One of the tenants of OA is learning to accept help when you need it. I told him that my meal was expensive. You can find an abstinent meal at a convenience store but you're going to pay for it. He said it didn't matter, that he wanted to buy my meal. He told me he wanted to help me since I help others (don't forget I was in uniform). I was touched by his generosity and accepted his offer of help.

I need to remember that there are more good people than bad out there. His kindness meant more to me than he could ever know. Skipping meals can trigger cravings which could be a disaster. With his simple offer he may have prevented me making a bad decision. What could have really been the icing on the cake for this crappy week turned into a bright spot.

Thank you Mr. Elderly Gentleman. I hope you never need my services but I'll be there if you do.

Pa Motor Vehicle Code: Chapter 33 Subchapter B 3325

2010-08-12T08:50:00.002-04:00

§ 3325. Duty of driver on approach of emergency vehicle.

(a) General rule.--Upon the immediate approach of an emergency vehicle making use of an audible signal and visual signals meeting the requirements and standards set forth in regulations adopted by the department, the driver of every other vehicle shall yield the right-of-way and shall immediately drive to a position parallel to, and as close as possible to, the right-hand edge or curb of the roadway clear of any intersection and shall stop and remain in that position until the emergency vehicle has passed, except when otherwise directed by a police officer or an appropriately attired person authorized to direct, control or regulate traffic. On one-way roadways a driver may comply by driving to the edge or curb which is nearest to the lane in which he is traveling.

I remember reading this (which was copied directly from PA Title 75 (that's the vehicle code folks)) when I took my written test to get my permit many moons ago. You would be surprised at how many people just do not know what to do when they see or hear an emergency vehicle approaching. Some people pull to the left, some try to out run you, some pull to the right but don't stop. That seems like it might work just fine, unless I need to make a right turn. Some times people just panic and slam on their brakes and stop in the middle of the roadway. They're my favorites.

Pull to the right and stop. Six words. Of course, lawyers and legislators expanded that to an entire paragraph but that sums it up.

I have no idea what the other 49 states have written in their vehicle codes. But probably without fail it would amount to pull to the right and stop. It's so simple it's hard to believe.

Well it does help if your music isn't turned up so loud you can't hear the sirens blaring. Or that you're so engrossed in your phone conversation that you don't notice the flashing red lights. But I'll save that rant for another post.

Hope this public service announcement clears up any confusion on what to do if you see or hear an emergency vehicle approaching.

100 Days

2010-08-11T00:13:00.003-04:00

As of midnight last night I have completed 100 days of abstinence. No flour, no sugar, no alcohol, no compulsive eating and no binge foods. As of August 1st I have lost 36 lbs.

I can now wear clothes that haven't fit me in two years, maybe more. I can now grocery shop without anxiety.

I still have trouble making meals for my family that I can not eat. The Engineer is working hard at being patient.

I still go to at least three meetings a week. I talk to my sponsor almost every day. I diligently work the steps.

The first thirty days were hard. The next sixty flew by. The last ten have been difficult.

For every door I slam close on my disease it works diligently to find another way in. It is relentless. It looks for any opportunity to trip me up.

I pray daily for the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Before program these words meant nothing to me. Now they mean everything.

My Higher Power is my only defense. Self-will avails me nothing.

One day at a time.

Comic Sans - Love it or Hate it ?

2010-08-10T12:35:00.002-04:00

I admit it, I love comic sans. I'm going to make a bumper sticker that says just that. Oh, wait a minute, I forgot, I don't do bumper stickers. Okay, how about a magnet. "Don't hate me because I heart Comic Sans."

I know it is vilified by font elitists everywhere. I don't care. Now, of course, I know it doesn't belong in certain places, resumes and business letters come to mind. But if I want to type all my personal email in comic sans I'm going to and if you don't like it there's this key with "delete" written on it that I'm sure is fully functional on your keyboard.

Tough crap...font elitists, grammar police and food snobs everywhere can pound sand for all I care. I'm continuing to hold my head high as I sprinkle Jane's Crazy Mixed Up Salt on my food, use run on sentences, dangle my participles and send emails using comic sans.

Woe, you ask, how the heck did the grammar police and food snobs get sucked into my rant on font elitists. It just popped into my head so I let it run right out my fingers. It's why I have a blog in the first place. Have a great day!

It Started with a Blood Test: cont...

2010-08-09T08:12:00.002-04:00

Before reading this post go back and read this one or it will make no sense. Unless of course you have an incredible memory for useless information, then you can just read on.

It took forever for the secondary test results to come back. They said 60 days and it was even longer than that. I can't imagine what the patient and his family were feeling during that time. I may never know. The good news is the results came back positive. I am a match. The bad news is the patients "situation" has changed and he is no longer a candidate for a bone marrow transplant. Now this could mean several things. The worst news would be that he died waiting. Or his condition could have worsened to the point that he wouldn't survive the necessary assault on his current bone marrow to prepare him for a transplant. The best news would be that he has gone into spontaneous remission and no longer needs a transplant. I don't know, and probably will never know what happened. I try to remain hopeful that he experienced a positive outcome but the cynical black cloud I carry around keeps me from accepting that possibility.

The consolation prize in all this is that my secondary test results are now on file. The next time I am a preliminary match there will be no waiting period to find out if I am a true match. Maybe someone else will benefit.

I pray that my brother in bone marrow has had a significant recovery and he should know that if that should ever change it will be my honor to share the gift of life with him.

Book Review: Food Addiction: The Body Knows

2010-08-07T07:22:00.005-04:00

Book Review-Food Addiction: The Body Knows by Kay Sheppard

Hope your not expecting something literary. Because you're not going to get it.

One word description: Helpful

I finished this book a couple of months ago. It was a short easy read. It is not OA approved literature. I just wanted to make that clear. But my sponsor recommended it early on to help me build a food plan. It gives a clear description of food addiction and the long term effects. I didn't identify with it the way I do with the Big Book but the information was clearly stated. It offers several variations of food plans depending on your needs.

One chapter towards the end of the book discusses relapse. I found this chapter immensely helpful. Relapse doesn't occur with the first bite. There are clear warning signals prior to picking up the food. The author lists them clearly but some of her suggestions and questions to ask yourself to avoid the relapse I felt were pretty lame and didn't really address the issues. If I recognized myself in that chapter I would immediately put it down and turn to the Big Book. When it comes to solution that's where the answers lay (or is it lie, this grammar rule will torment me till the day I die).

The book was a tremendous help for setting up a food plan and the chapter on relapse was worth the price of the book. I bought this book at the suggestion of my sponsor and would recommend it as a small part of someones library on food addiction.

Felicity

2010-08-05T16:25:00.008-04:00

Today I rushed three tired kids out of bed and dragged them to an OA meeting. Before we left I made them take showers and eat breakfast. That's because after the meeting we were invited to a fellows house for lunch and a swim. And since my kids are typical they are not concerned with body odor or dirty fingernails. I on the other hand prefer not to smell them and I'm sure I am not the only adult who feels that way. I got the usual complaints: "I'm just going to swim anyway, I just took a shower (yeah, three days ago), nobody cares what I smell like (that's what you think) and many other combinations there of.

After the meeting we pile in the car and off we go. On the way, there is the usual chorus of complaints involving hunger and distance travelled. All of which I ignored like a pro.

We are the first to arrive. Which I found odd since we were the last to leave the meeting but what the heck it gives my kids first shot at the food that was kindly laid out for our dining pleasure. I brought my food but her fruit looked much nicer than mine so I ate that instead. A delicious combination of strawberries, blackberries and blueberries. But, once again I digress.

Anyway, getting slowly closer to the actual point.....

I had a really nice time. I ate my food and just relaxed and enjoyed the conversation. The kids swam and played with the other kids. The daughter of the host had just returned from a trip to Israel and spent over an hour with my girls showing them pictures and sharing stories of her adventure. After a few hours we packed up and headed home.

Here it comes folks, the moment you've been waiting for: The actual point of this....

On the way home this very strange sensation came over me. At first I didn't recognize it. After a few minutes I realized what I was feeling was just plain, simple joy. Nothing more, nothing less. A pleasant afternoon with friends and fellows. The sounds of kids playing. An abstinent meal. This is the direction that my life is heading. The feeling didn't last long. The continuing banter of the kids erupted into a debate over who poked who first and swept the feeling away but it was there, if only for a short time.

Another layer peeled away today. A ray of sunshine made it through, if only for a brief time. One day at a time. Today was a beautiful day.

Why have you forsaken me? blog proverb......

2010-08-04T00:42:00.008-04:00

I must admit, for a while I forgot all about blogging. Not only has mine been neglected to the point that it might even be considered abandoned, I wasn't even following along on my favorites. How could this of happened? From a daily blogger to falling off a cliff some where? From someone who had something to say about everything to someone who had nothing to say at all?

It's not like there hasn't been anything happening. My journey in OA continues. My oldest and youngest celebrated birthdays. We finished up a very difficult school year. We added a guinea pig to our pack. We lost two of our chickens to heat stroke. Our broody little girl, Oreo, successfully hatched two chicks. Our flock of chickens continue to use our front walk as a potty station. We had a great party on the 4th of July. Our pool is finally completed and getting an almost daily workout. The neighbors little white fluffy dog continues to torment and harass Mickey. My mother in law visited for almost two weeks. The Scientist has a new obsession. She also completed an almost three month experiment that had three chickens living in our garage. How another kids love of team sports was spoiled by over zealous parents. Camping trips and migraines. There is never a dull moment.

All of this makes for great material. Okay, maybe "great" is a little strong, but I hope it is at least somewhat interesting to someone somewhere. So I hope to share some of these stories with you. Maybe even come up with something else to ramble on about.

What I really want is to start writing again. Mindless stuff, informative stuff (well at least my from my point of view anyway), about my dogs, kids and family. Maybe even a book review or news flash now and again.

Thank you for your patience and since you're reading this for checking in.

I'm going to start blogging again, one day at a time.

RIP Nibbles

2010-05-27T22:11:00.004-04:00

Nibbles

2004-2010

Nibbles crossed to the Rainbow Bridge this afternoon. He was the sweetest guinea pig who went along with just about anything. Even Molly picking him up and carrying him in her mouth one day didn't ruffle his fur. He stood his ground against a nosy cat. But would lay on his back for a belly rub whenever you wanted. The stems of dandelions were his favorite treat. He never even minded getting a bath and having his nails clipped. An old soft toothbrush made the perfect brush. Obviously spoiled, he would only eat carrots if they were peeled. If you were eating an apple and didn't want the rest he would be more than happy to take it off your hands. We will miss him.

Are you a compulsive overeater?

2010-05-24T21:42:00.003-04:00

I've continued to be very busy on my healing path. Someone recently asked me how I knew I was a compulsive overeater. I told her there were a bunch of questions I found online at www.overeatersanonymous.org site. Since it took me two weeks to get up the courage to check the site once I heard about OA I figured I post the 15 questions here.

Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Do you give too much time and thought to food?
Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

If you answered yes to more than three of these questions you may be a compulsive overeater.

I can tell you it is changing my life and I'm not even talking about weight loss. Because it doesn't take long to realize that it's not about the food.

A Touch of Writers Block

2010-05-17T23:51:00.003-04:00

The words haven't flowed lately. At least here. I have to write daily logs and answer specific questions for my sponsor every day. I also have to journal my feelings and thoughts. All this has been a major writing commitment and doesn't leave much left in the creative writing juice jar. I will say though by writing it out it does seem to make things so much clearer.

I just dozed off with my fingers on the keyboard and pressed "d" for an unknown period of time. There were rows and rows of them. That means I need to go to bed. Still haven't caught up on my sleep from the weekend yet.

Tomorrow is a new day......

Out of Sorts

2010-05-16T23:11:00.000-04:00

One of the toughest things to do since joining OA is to go grocery shopping. I go with my list in hand, like I always have, but just walking past all the foods I love (a sick love, but love none the less) increases my anxiety with each step. Handing the job over to The Engineer has crossed my mind, but (isn't there always a but) he has a tendency to freelance and not stick completely to the list. That could cause a real problem for me. I'm not ready to have my binge foods just laying around the house, whispering to me, begging me to eat them.

I usually call my sponsor or someone on my team before I go inside for a little pep talk. Tonight no one answered their phone. I know I could call home or a friend but some things just need to be dealt with by someone who's been there.

I have been home for two hours and am still dealing with the residual anxiety. I really just want to go to bed but I can't sleep with this on my mind. I had a very busy weekend, and really need the rest.

The good news is my food supply is restocked. Lots of fruit and fresh veggies. Now if I can keep the vultures away I might actually get to eat some of it.

I'm also feeling some anxiety because one of my team is having a difficult time right now. Signs of relapse are creeping into their way of living. It scares me. There by the grace of G-d go I. We're going to have a heart to heart tomorrow.

The bond I have developed with people from OA in such a short time has been amazing. The level of trust within the fellowship is like nothing I've ever experienced before.

Tomorrow I will have been abstinent for 14 days, two weeks, even I can't believe it. I haven't felt this good since I can't remember when. They told me that my abstinence would become precious to me. I didn't understand. Now I do, I want to protect it and nurture it at all costs. It is the first step in my new life.

Baseball Boy's Practice

2010-05-13T22:10:00.005-04:00

Guest Blogger: Baseball Boy

Baseball Boy plays baseball for two years. He was the catcher and he batted two times. He ran to second base the first time he batted. No outs for him. The second time he ran to first base.

When he was catching he got hit with the ball five times. The one time he got hit with a fast ball. The second time he got hit on the toe. The pitcher was one of the coaches. The coach put down a glove and he said, "If you step back from the ball you will run a lap." And it was hard for Baseball Boy not to step back. Baseball Boy was afraid that he would get hit with the ball. When he finally stepped forward he hit it far. One was a pop up and one was a grounder.

The Scientist and The Vet were on another field practicing with a softball. They caught some and then practiced running bases and then chased geese. A pond was right behind the field and the coach said, "If you hit the ball behind us and it goes into the water you get a bonus."

After the practice we had to pick up all the equipment and then the coach gave us a Popsicle. Then we went home.

A Tough Assignment

2010-05-12T23:36:00.001-04:00

"Stay out of your head, it's a dangerous place."

That was a text I received around lunchtime today reminding me that I think too much. It came from a member of my team. I analyze and dissect trying to get to the bottom of any problem I come across. The problem is that when it comes to eating my mind is a very screwed up place indeed. So I'm trying to figure out a calculus problem with a broken calculator. I need to knock it off and accept help from people who have been living abstinent for years. They already have it figured out, why try to reinvent the wheel. My head knows they got it figured out and by following their path I too will find peace. So at least when it comes to food I have to stop thinking and start doing.

Accept help: It is one of my biggest defects. Asking for help is akin to admitting I couldn't handle it myself.

By questioning and not doing I am continuing to bog myself down in the details. It's all laid out. One day at a time, one step at a time. I'm fretting about steps I'm nowhere near. I am my own worst enemy.

One day at a time. Give myself a break. Progress not perfection.

Thinking is not a tool. Here is the list of tools I have to help me.

A Plan of Eating
Sponsorship
Meetings
Telephone
Writing
Literature
Anonymity
Service

As you might have guessed this has been a problem for me. I'm working on it, one day at a time.

Outside my comfort zone

2010-05-11T18:38:00.017-04:00

See that hand, the one with the dirt under the nails and all over the fingers. That's my hand. I had Baseball Boy take a picture of it because this was a once in a lifetime event. I wanted it recorded so in the future I have evidence that this happened. Especially once my mind erases it from my memory.

The Engineer, at my request, tore out all this old overgrown landscaping along the edge of our driveway and around the mailbox. I just wanted grass and a simple group of flowers around the mailbox. So yesterday he's got it all ready. But as usual our timing sucks and he had to stop to take Baseball Boy to a baseball game. It's little league so they kinda make up some of the rules as they go, like how many innings they are going to play. The Engineer had hoped to get home before dark and spread the seed/fertilizer and plant the little flowering plants (I think they're petunias). Well the coaches decided to play until it got to dark so that plan went out the window.

No biggie, he's got an hour or so after work today to take care of it.

This morning the phone rings and The Engineer is not a happy man. He just found out that rain is moving in and all his fluffy perfectly raked out topsoil will all pack down if it rains. This will make it difficult to start grass from seed and his flowers will not have soft soil to lay out its roots. So he calls knowing that he is up against someone who cringes at the feel of dirt under her fingernails. Who hates to sit on the ground and dig and refuses to wear gardening gloves because all they do is grind the dirt into your skin. He makes his plea and is met with whining. But he was well prepared this time with his defense and I was forced to concede. He almost blew it though. See I've never spread grass seed. As far as I'm concerned you stick your hand in the bag grab a handful and throw it. Who knew there was an art to this? I was not interested in a seed spreading lesson on the phone when I'm already unhappy with this job ahead of me. He took the hint and accepted that he was going to have to get what he gets.

I planted the flowers. Put the mulchy stuff all around them and threw seed and fertilizer willy nilly. I couldn't find the darn little garden shovel and had to use one of my spoons but that's why we have a dishwasher.

I gave the flowers a little water and wished them well. The Engineer will fuss over them and the new grass that will grow and in a month it will be a clean and beautiful area instead of the overgrown pit it was.

All day I waited for the dreaded rain to start; and it did, exactly one hour after The Engineer got home from work.

Happy Mother's Day-Not

2010-05-10T01:16:00.003-04:00

Mother's Day is a tough one for me. My Mom was a tough one to please on Mother's Day, let's just leave it at that. Now she's been gone for several years and I miss her. I still work every year on Mother's Day as an act of avoidance. It doesn't matter anymore but I still grab that shift every time.

The kids have learned that doing more than making me a card and giving me a hug just stresses me out. It's amazing how no matter how much I try to do the opposite I wind up being the same. She wanted things her way; ex. an unattainable ass kissing: And I want things my way; ex. minimalist all the way.

I am comfortable with the way Mother's Day is celebrated around here. While I'm at work (enjoying turning over the responsibilities of parenthood for 14 hours) they make me cards and usually clean up. When I get in I get giant hugs and "Happy Mother's Day's. Dinner is already made, not a big deal, just a simple dinner, we eat together and talk about our day.

For me many of the holidays are ways we should be living our life. Respecting our parents, grandparents, the earth, appreciating our veterans and employees. Don't wait until Arbor Day to plant a tree. Fly your American Flag every day, not just Flag Day and the 4th of July. Unless a holiday celebrates a specific event I'm inclined to ignore it on that day and try to live it everyday.

So instead of kissing my butt on one day and being completely disrespectful for the rest of the year let's make an effort everyday to be kind and respectful to the people around you and the earth we live on. This is my hope for Mother's Day.

Page Update

2010-05-07T10:42:00.005-04:00

You may or may not have noticed the Live Feed widget I had added to the page. At first I thought it would be fun to see where everyone was coming from. It was, but (there is always a but) then I started to wonder if it would bother people to have it there. It was starting to make me feel weird because I came up on it too. Because I post pictures of my kids and dogs (the most often stolen breed, I might add) I don't want our names or town posted, yet there it was for everyone to see.

So it's down and it's going to stay down. All the lurkers will be anonymous again. I don't have anything running in the background so you can all surf around without me knowing. I hope I didn't scare anyone off.

Step One

2010-05-06T22:25:00.003-04:00

We admitted that we were powerless over food --- that our lives have become unmanageable.

Unmanageable: Unable to control.
Powerless: Lacking strength; helpless.

Two big words right there. Staring me in the face.

Powerless over food? Until recently I just thought I had no willpower, and was a failure with no self control. I thought the constant eating and sneaking food to satisfy cravings was my own weakness. There was no one to blame but myself. Nothing more, nothing less. The self loathing, disgust and feelings of failure haunted me any time I stopped for fast food or donuts (with the excuse that I wanted coffee), ate when I was already full, piled my plate high and ate bowl after bowl of ice cream after everyone had gone to bed. I'd drop the kids off for a class and head to the nearest food joint to get my "fix." I also would eat when I was happy, sad, tired, angry, the list goes on and on. It's like I was eating over my emotions. Some foods, pizza, soft pretzels, ice cream, pasta, white bread I couldn't stop once I started. These have now been identified as my binge foods or trigger foods. When I ate them I physically craved them for days on end sometimes longer. Powerless over food, you bet, it was like it was whispering to me.

Unmanageable, that's a tough pill to swallow. Who wants to admit defeat. That they have lost control of their lives. That getting out of bed had become a supreme effort. That cooking and cleaning seemed like an overwhelming task. That I kept missing appointments and forgetting obligations. That on more days than I care to admit my kids fended for themselves. That as hard as getting up had become, falling asleep was just as difficult.

I'm working towards completing Step One. If you can't accept Step One nothing else will work. I am powerless over food, it controls me and even though I never woke up from a sugar crash, my poor diet (even a seemingly healthy diet isn't; when you freelance crap food) was finally catching up with my ability to function. Stuffed and overfed I'd sit on the couch, unable and unwilling to move. The physical demands of my job were beginning to wear me down. When you are carrying around 110 lbs of extra weight even walking the dogs was becoming a burden.

Tonight I complete day three of abstinence. I am eating only three meals a day and am not eating my binge foods or any white flour. I'm still working on my food plan. My sponsor is a no nonsense type of woman. I have hope, it's a small amount but it's more than I've had in a very long time.

Who Am I?

2010-05-05T23:00:00.005-04:00

I Defend WITH HONOR.

I Play TO WIN.

I Am Loyal TO A FAULT.

I Have A Heart MADE OF GOLD.

I Don't Know The Meaning OF GIVING UP.

I Am The Epitome Of STRENGTH, LOVE, AND COURAGE.

I Am THE AMERICAN PIT BULL TERRIER

by Faith Sylvester

Feeding Frenzy

2010-05-04T23:59:00.003-04:00

Last night I went grocery shopping. Today a ~~swarm of locusts~~ my children proceeded to eat the following:

3 lbs of Red Delicious Apples
2 pints of strawberries
2 1/2 lbs of red seedless grapes
2 bananas
1/2 bag of baby carrots
6 sticks of string cheese
1 lb of bacon
3 bagels
1/2 lb of American cheese
3 bowls of various cereals

Then proceeded to complain they were hungry and there was nothing to eat. Did I mention that all this was consumed prior to 4 PM? None of the above stopped any of them from cleaning their plates at dinner time.

A Personal Discovery

2010-05-03T11:47:00.008-04:00

Over the last few weeks as I explore myself and my habits with my sponsor I have learned a lot about myself. Some stuff I've always known. Some stuff I've known but blocked with denial and other stuff have been completely new to me. I am only beginning this journey.

I've always known I like to have things my own way. But it's one thing to know it in your head and know it in your heart.

Today something happened that might of opened up my heart to it, at least a little bit. Baseball Boy has had a wart on his knee for a while. We tried freezing it with over the counter products but all it did was respond by growing bigger.

Last week we finally admitted defeat and I called the doctor to make an appointment to have it removed. The appointment was this morning. Last Friday afternoon while sliding into second base the wart tore right off. I wasn't there, The Engineer was at the game with him, but reports were that he was okay until other parents started freaking out. In case you didn't know warts bleed a lot. They got the bleeding controlled and he stayed to cheer his team on for the rest of the game but for him the game was over.

This morning at the doctors office the nurse tells us it's better to cut it off then freeze it. They will numb his knee cut it out and then freeze the root. Most of it was torn off anyway and it made sense.

The doctor comes in and she's on a mission. This one didn't waste any time with small talk. Baseball Boy is being brave until she turns around with a syringe, clear liquid dripping from the end of the needle. She wasted no time in going for the knee with the needle. Baseball Boy reaches over and grabs onto me. She takes his leg and just gives him the shot. There are some tears but no hysterical crying. After the knee is numb (which is almost instantaneous) she gets a flexible razor and shaves that thing down. Before I know it she's spraying the spot with the freezing stuff (that's the technical term ;-) ). Explains what to expect and we're done. Both the nurse and the doctor tell Baseball Boy how great he did and leave.

Baseball Boy is fine. I on the other hand am ready to freak out. Not from the blood or the procedure. But because all that happened so fast. They had explained what they were going to do, no surprises there. But when Baseball Boy reached over and grabbed onto me I wanted to stop. Right there and calm him down. When she didn't I felt powerless.

I couldn't wait to get out of the office. I felt like I was about to freak out. I had no control in there, the resulting feelings overwhelmed me. Normally if something like that happens I would bee line it for food. Now I know I can't do that. I have to face the feelings not cover them over.

We get in the car and I ask Baseball Boy how he is. I'm expecting him to be as freaked out as I am. His response surprised me. He said that it wasn't too bad. That he liked the doctor. I asked him why he grabbed me when she came at him with the needle. I thought it was because he wanted her to stop but he told me he just needed to hold all of me and not just my hand. Stopping her would have made it worse for him not better. Stopping her would have only made it better for me because I thought I had to stop her for him. He didn't need that. I needed to control the situation not let Baseball Boy and her control the situation.

I know as his parent it is my job to protect him. But I'm always preaching how you have to let them protect themselves with your guidance. I didn't let him do that, I did what I needed, yeah I thought it was what he needed but I didn't listen to him. He didn't say stop or try to get away after she grabbed his leg. He just rolled to the side and grabbed me.

So I learned a lot today. Baseball Boy applied what I had already taught him. I am proud of him for that. I am proud of myself for seeing that it wasn't about me having to control the situation to make it okay for him, even if it took me time to figure it out. It still took me a while to relax over my lack of control in the doctors office. I'm not totally over it yet. But I see it and that's the first step.

His name was Jack.

2010-05-02T01:00:00.001-04:00

This afternoon I'm at a friends house when I met him. The deep brown eyes, the soft blond hair. A smile that could melt your heart.

When I saw him I couldn't resist, I know I'm committed, I know I have responsibilities and by bringing him into my life I could destroy it all.

But I couldn't stop myself. Willpower? I had none. A new love had entered and I closed my heart to those I left behind.

I was feeling overwhelmed and went for a walk. He followed me and before I knew it we were strolling side by side. Connected in a way I hadn't expected.

He had a family. He apparently didn't care, for he followed me where ever I went. It wasn't long, he had me in his grasp. Soft, warm kisses spread across my face. I was swept away.

Time flew by and I had to go home. A final hug and soft kiss would have to hold until next time. Thoughts of Jack, so warm and strong stayed with me all the way home.

I entered the house carefully, afraid that they would see it in my eyes. Or smell his scent on me.

Only a moment passed after I walked in, it was obvious. His anger was controlled but his disappointment was deep and shone in his eyes. I tried to walk around him but he wouldn't let me pass. He flung himself at me and buried his head on my shoulder knocking me to the ground. Taking huge breaths in, there was no denying the betrayal.

The scent seared into his brain he knew one day he would meet the one who had stolen my heart. He walked away, his head hanging low and went to his crate to come to terms with his pain. Malka tried to comfort him, recognizing the scent of puppy on her mother's clothes but Mickey feared his life would never be the same.

The Incredible Edible Egg

2010-05-01T11:07:00.005-04:00

I wanted to share this with everyone. Both eggs were laid by our chickens. Both are full sized normal laying chickens. Okay, end of disclaimer.

Isn't that egg on the left huge. Holy mackerel you should have seen the size of the egg. We probably should have taken a picture of the egg before we cracked it open next to one of our regular eggs. It was even bigger than a jumbo store bought egg. When I first saw it all I could think about was the poor chicken laid that without an epidural. I expected to see two yolks (an uncommon but not unheard of event).

Moments after this picture was taken it was slid into a sizzling frying pan. Ten minutes later it made it's last journey in a recognizable state.

It was delicious.

Attitude of Gratiude

2010-04-29T23:26:00.001-04:00

You are appreciated. I just wanted you to know.

What's Next?

2010-04-28T23:23:00.007-04:00

First it started with tobacco. It was slow and insidious. Creeping up on us, you know, for our own good. Starting with warning labels and no smoking sections in restaurants it has now evolved into banning smoking even in the great outdoors.

Helmet laws followed. I was even almost sucked into that one. After all I don't want my taxes paying for someone to be hooked to life support because he didn't wear his helmet. But guess what? Since PA has rescinded its helmet law fatal motorcycle accidents have gone down. Guess they decided to be more careful now that they aren't wearing helmets. It also helped that motorcyclists in PA have been advertising "Watch for Motorcycles" all over the place. Makes you think.

Next it was seat belt laws. You must wear your seat belt for your own protection. We must save you from yourself.

Then laws banning trans fat in restaurants; then in whole cities. What about labeling foods and letting the buying pubic decide? Okay, I get your point. Not everyone wants to think, they want to be led. Well the way I see it, that is great, they'll just do it without thinking and the Mother Nature's rule of survival of the fittest will prevail. Doesn't sound like such a bad idea to me.

Somewhere in there fast food became the evil empire out to destroy us.

Now it's salt. They are trying to get processed food companies to lower the amount of sodium they put in their food. Do they think that will stop people from just adding it back at their table? Are they going to start taxing salt like they do cigarettes. Testing people for sodium content levels in their blood and denying them work because of it. If you don't believe that can happen check out the part of this post that deals with a company trying to do just that to smokers.

Who are these people who are so desperately trying to save us from ourselves? Doctors who can't wait for us to come to them, so they track us down and tell us what to do? When we don't listen to their satisfaction do they get the FDA all hyped up? If that doesn't work they use the media to put pressure on lawmakers to do something about it.

Thomas Jefferson put it quite simply in 1776: "Laws provide against injury from others, but not from ourselves."

At least that's the way it's supposed to be.

Not Goodbye

2010-04-28T00:16:00.006-04:00

About two and a half years ago I signed Baseball Boy up for a young boys book club. It was hosted by a new member of our homeschooling community. I'm always a little nervous meeting someone for the first time. Especially in the homeschooling community. Like I've mentioned in the past I'm a little different and often a contradiction of sorts. I may of met her previously but I can't even remember what I had for breakfast so I'm not sure how accurate that information is. I do know that this was the first time I had gone to her home. It was about a 1/2 hour ride to her house but she had three boys and if there is something Baseball Boy could use, it's a little more "Y" chromosome in his life.

We arrived a little early (probably the last time I ever arrived early to her house). She invited us in and was immediately concerned that we would be afraid of her dog. See, she has the same problem I do. People are afraid of my dogs because they are "pit bulls". People are afraid of her dog, Bruto, because he is big, furry and has penetrating bright blue eyes. I assured her that we weren't afraid of dogs and she warned us that sometimes he humps. Not to long after Baseball Boy was his first victim. Fortunately, since we are dog people he knew what to do. He needed a little help though since Bruto weighed more than he did. The Teacher was pretty upset by it and told me how her neighbors are terrified of him since he did the same thing to one of their kids not to long after they had moved there. I offered her some advice on stopping him from doing that. I think she might of taken it since I never really saw him do it again.

That day Baseball Boy and her boys played long and hard. Even The Vet and Scientist were having a great time. The Teacher ran a great book club and the next thing we knew everyone had left. I was helping her clean up (or at least I'd like to think I was, remember I have CRS disease) and the conversation flowed. They had recently moved to the area and she started the book club as a way to meet area families. We had many things in common. Big scary dogs, a love of reading and a good cup of coffee, boys the same age and most importantly a belief that kids learn more from doing and that bubble wrap should only be used for packaging. Our differences were facinating too. She ran 5K races for a warm up, I like a good walk but you won't catch me running anywhere, anytime. She had lived all over the country and I still live within 50 miles of where I was born. I get nervous and quiet in groups of people and she makes conversation easily with anyone.

Over the last couple of years as our friendship grew we both became more dependant on each other for help. See, she doesn't have any family around here and my parents are both gone and The Engineer's Mom lives in another state. So many of the families in our homeschool groups have immediate family to help out at the drop of the hat. We don't have that and on more than one occasasion we filled that role for one another. My daughter's loved to play the role of the daughters she never had. She was always there if I needed to vent and both of our husbands were cut from the same Type A cloth, which as you can imagine, gave us many a topic of conversation.

Not to long after we met I found out that they are a military family and in a few years they would be moving again. Figures, I meet a homeschooler that I really like, and has boys to boot and she's only in this area for a short time. There was a time when I thought about keeping our friendship at a distance. I knew having them eventually move would be difficult for me but especially difficult for the kids. But you know what? It's not often that I find someone I really feel comfortable with. Someone who homeschools, too. Besides if they stay on the east coast we can stop for a visit on our many travels. So hey, in for a penny, in for a pound as they say.

The last couple of years flew by. The list of things we did together is long. Our friendship grew and we came to depend on each other.

It's been worth all the tears I've shed over her leaving. Sure we'll still have the phone and email. They're heading to the west coast for two years, maybe four. That's the reality of military life. Our family will miss them. I'll miss her. I remind myself that they'll be back to the east coast and who knows maybe Baseball Boy and I will get on a plane and head west.

So it's not goodbye but until next time.....

Malka's Health-update

2010-04-27T12:35:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I slid a dish under Malka as she squatted and retrieved a sample of golden liquid. I also got the over the shoulder look of disgust from her to which I have become accustomed.

This morning a call from our vet confirmed our fears. She continues to have a +3 protein reading. Her kidneys are failing. She is still asymptomatic so all news isn't bad but her kidney issue will not resolve itself. She also shows signs of having stones in her bladder so plenty of additional fluids will help the kidneys and dissolve the stone(s). There is no sign of infection or crystals and her PH and specific gravity are normal. All good signs.

There is the option of prescription diet but I gotta tell you after reading the ingredients there is no way. It is loaded with crap protein and fillers. And they have the nerve to charge an arm and a leg for it. I intend to do some research. There has to be some quality low protein foods out there. The vet also recommends adding additional carbs to her diet since it is a way to get her the extra calories her body will need to process protein without adding any additional load to her kidneys.

She still spry and can run Mickey into the ground. She can still do two miles on the bike barely breaking a pant. Squirrels and rabbits still fear for their lives in our yard. She is an American Pit Bull Terrier and true to her breeding she doesn't know the meaning of giving up.

She's not giving up and neither am I. We'll make some changes in her diet. Keep her fluid intake high and continue to make sure she gets plenty of exercise.

Right now she's right where she belongs, curled up on the sofa, sleeping. Oblivious to her condition. It's my job to keep her that way for as long as possible.

The Big Book

2010-04-26T11:18:00.005-04:00

If you notice under the book I'm reading right now I put, "I'll get back to you on that." That's not totally honest. OA has a lot of literature to help on your journey. I got the one book that they told me is the core of everything. They said that if you only read one thing this should be it. You can't beat that for a recommendation. So I bought the book. It's called "Alcoholics Anonymous". They said that whenever you read the words alcoholic think food addict or compulsive eater but the rest remains the same. The guilt, controlling factors, health repercussions and many others, it doesn't matter, addiction follows the same path no matter what your poison.

So that's what I'm reading. When I'm done reading it, I'll probably read it again, then again. It's that kind of book. It will probably become a part of my life so it won't be listed but it will be there.

This is the fourth addition to the book. It was first printed in 1939. The forwards from each addition is listed in the beginning of this book. The only real changes have been updated stories that reflect the people of that generation.

It's an incredible read and a must for anyone suffering with a life controlling issue. But it's obvious that the book is only a small piece of the puzzle. I have so much more to learn. To do. To get a handle on this beast that controls me. I can't believe I just typed that sentence. Admit that I have no control? Accept that no matter how much I try I can't help myself? Step 1: Admit you have no control. That sentence might just be the first step of my first step.

It's referred to as "The Big Book" by the people of OA. It's a fitting name.

Book Review- Kids and Power Struggles

2010-04-24T23:49:00.006-04:00

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles Winning for a Lifetime by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Hope you're not expecting something literary. Because you're not going to get it.

I didn't finish the book. Too much on my plate and no time to read. I got about half way through it. I think the problem isn't with the book, it's with me. I'm just not in the mood for educational reading. If I have time to read I want to escape into a story right now. So I'm going to put it down. In the future I'll return and finish it. It wasn't a difficult read, overly wordy or condescending to parents or kids.

What I read had some very interesting ideas for dealing with the melt downs that occur with children. Some of the stuff I read was common sense, like taking a hungry kid into a grocery store is asking for trouble. Well yeah, me going into a grocery store hungry is asking for trouble.

But it did go on to say that when children melt down there is a reason behind it. That meltdowns and the sister to meltdowns, the temper tantrum, are not done by children to make us miserable or because we suck as parents. And to solve the problem of ongoing meltdowns you need to identify the triggers. It gave several examples to help you get to the bottom of the problem.

The last chapter I read talked about older kids and how they start to rebel. It gave an interesting example of how a woman wanted to ride her son's new bike. He got very upset and started yelling at her that he didn't want her riding his bike, that it was his, blah, blah, blah. I think we can all get the picture of the selfish teenager in our head. When the mother spoke to her son about why he didn't want her riding the bike instead of just writing him off as self absorbed teenager she found that he didn't mind her riding the bike but didn't want kids at school seeing her riding his bike. So he's not a selfish brat he just didn't want to get teased by the kids at school. I'm sure when I get back to the book it will go into further detail about this very trying time in the parent/child relationship.

There is a section of the book that talks about the author's workshops with parents who are having struggles with their children. The parents speak about what issues they were having and how some of them got to the bottom of it and how others were still trying to make the connection.

I definitely see the value in this book. If you have on and off again problems along these lines maybe a trip to the library would be in order for this one. If you have kids that seem to be one long line of meltdowns and power struggles this book would definitely be worth the purchase price.

Where's Malka?

2010-04-23T23:48:00.001-04:00

I'm off today!

2010-04-22T14:03:00.004-04:00

I only get one a year and today is the day. It's take your child to work day. All three kids were up at 5AM and left for work with The Engineer at 6AM. After work they will all go out to dinner together and won't be home until about 7:30 or so.

When they get home they will all collapse with exhaustion and for a period of time will appreciate how hard their father works.

I don't know who came up with the idea of Take Your Child to Work Day (I think it started as take your daughter to work but the politically correct police fixed that) but I'd like to shake their hand. Not just for my day off but because it gives kids a chance to see that parents aren't just hanging out to collect a paycheck.

My husband's employer is terrific when it comes to this day. They have a whole program set up so the kids really get to see how things work there, not just spend the day looking over their Dad's shoulder at something they don't understand. Of course that is built into the day too but when they come home they really have gotten to see how it all works and comes together.

I love Take Your Child to Work Day!

People Suck?

2010-04-22T13:19:00.004-04:00

Years of working in emergency services have left me jaded and cynical. Or maybe I'm just not very forgiving. Could be I've been let down one to many times by people who I thought I should be able to depend on. Probably all of the above and some other things I can't think of right now.

I've had to deal with leaches, stupidity and self centered bigoted pigs through the course of my career. Family members who hurt you and friends who were really only interested in what they would get from the friendship. Through my work at the vet's office and my interest in dog rescue I have seen some pretty horrible offenses brought upon man's best friend.

I've learned to peel those people from my daily life. I no longer allow them to affect my day to day living. I think it's one of the reasons why I feel so close with my dogs. They accept me for who I am. They forgive me for my shortcomings. Really forgive, not say they forgive then toss it back at me at a later date. I look at them and their shoddy beginnings and say if they can shake it off and look ahead then so shall I.

I can't avoid these types of people through my day to day job. After all, I'm paid to help them no matter how ridiculously stupid their request or how big of a sponge on the community as a whole they are. It's hard to remember that not all people are like that.

I have a few close friendships that I cherish. I have a few close family members that I know will be there for me and I for them. I've tended to take a pretty negative look at the rest of the world. I try not to but I'm not very successful.

I hear ya, "okay, okay, so what's the point?"

Today I went to my second OA meeting. When I looked around the room I saw people who I would consider to be from all walks. But when they talked they all have the same core issues. And every one of them was courteous, listened and encouraging to those around them. I have no idea what these people are like outside but in that room they all wanted what was best for everyone there and a little help for themselves. During that period of time nobody sucked.

I'm Rustys Mom

2010-04-21T12:54:00.002-04:00

I'm Rusty's Mom and I eat way too much. That was my introduction. Yesterday after some more delay/denial I went back on the Overeaters Anonymous site and found a local meeting. They had a contact person. Before I could think about it I called the number. She invited me to a meeting last night. I came up with many excuses not to go, then made myself go anyway. They talked about being autonomous and the importance of anonymity. Anonymity I get. I sorta get autonomous, I think I need to hear more about that to really understand.

I didn't know what to expect but the only thing that surprised me was the number of people there and the high percentage of normal weight people.

They were very nice and I can see this is gonna be a major commitment. I'm afraid. Afraid of failing, of letting people down, of staying fat.

They gave me a booklet to read and one of the paragraphs talks of taking one day at a time. I think I'll start there.

The woman who did the newcomer introductions (there were two of us) said to find a sponsor as soon as possible. I have a list of names and phone numbers they gave me. I haven't called anyone yet. I will. I can't do it alone. My family doesn't really understand, to them it's all about eat less, move more. It's not that for me. I haven't figured out what it is, but I know it's not that simple.

I can't honestly answer whether it's okay that they don't understand. I'm going to take it one day at a time and find out. Taking it one day at a time sounds easy, that just tells me it's going to be hard.

I carry my weight well. I tell myself that, and others tell me that. When they hear how much I weigh they are surprised. I'm active too, so that's a good cover. But as I've gotten older it's not so easy to carry this weight anymore. And since I've returned to the martial arts it's handicap is even more obvious.

Just for today I'm going to accept that I can't do this on my own.

It started with a blood test.

2010-04-20T15:41:00.006-04:00

Ten years ago or so I filled out paperwork to become a bone marrow donor and gave a sample of blood. Someone I knew, knew someone who needed a transplant and no one on the current list was a match so they were going around getting people to sign up in the hopes of finding a match. If I remember correctly no match was ever found and the person passed away.

About six months or so ago I was cleaning out my wallet and found my card for the National Bone Marrow Donor program. I figured I better give them a call and change my information since I had moved.

As fate would have it about an hour ago the phone rang and The Vet answered and said hey Mom the Red Cross wants to talk to you. Since I'm a regular blood donor I figured they were looking to see if I could schedule a donation.

It was Jay from the National Bone Marrow Registry. He was very happy to find me. He said that a 62 year old man was a preliminary match. He has a rare fancy form of leukemia (he didn't really say exactly that, I just can't remember the exact name). He wanted to know if I was still willing to be a donor if additional testing proved I was a match. He explained the two possible procedures to me. I said, of course.

He then went on the ask me all the usual questions. If you've ever given blood you know what they are. Have you ever taken illegal drugs by needle? Have you visited or lived in Africa since 1977? Have you ever had sex with a man who has had sex with a man since 1977? Have you ever had sex with anyone who has ever done any of the above? There were 20 questions, I don't remember most of them but they all related to illegal drug use, travel and sex. I'm boring, I said no to all of them. I haven't even gotten a tattoo. My boring life is good news for some 62 year old man somewhere.

Next Monday I'm scheduled for another blood test to see if we match at the next level. I'm a little nervous about donating marrow. But I figure it would be a small price to pay to give someone a gift of life.

Say a few prayers, keep your fingers crossed or what ever, that I am a match and am eligible to donate.

Randomness

2010-04-19T23:30:00.000-04:00

We had a few weeks of beautiful warm spring weather. The other day a thunderstorm rolled through and dropped the temperature and it's been chilly ever since. I want my warm days back. I want to open my windows again and put my jacket back in the closet. Yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine.

Houdini escaped again! The little brat slipped under the fence in an area we are repairing after all the lawn damage from pool installation. Fortunately The Engineer was in the yard working and saw her visiting the neighbor across the street. I'm getting a complex.

Nibbles is old. Most guinea pigs owned by kids live to be about two. People who are really into cavies report they live from five to seven years. Nibbles is six. He lived the first year and a half of his life being ignored by a kid who wanted him then didn't. The kids parents took care of him until they got tired of it and then he came to live with us. When we got him he had an eye and sinus infection. He had cedar litter in his cage his whole life. Cedar litter is very bad for guinea pigs. We treated the infection but his eye and nose often have a discharge that are left over from the long term infection. If you have a guinea pig, please don't use cedar litter. Anyway, he's been losing weight and slowing down for a few months now. The vet thinks it's kidney failure. A change in diet slowed it down but there is no turning back once the kidneys start to go. The last few days he just hasn't been himself. His eye and nose are worse than ever and he is hardly eating. I got him kale, which is his favorite veggie, and he hardly touched it. So tonight it's back to the vet. She thinks he's coming to the end. She gave me some medicine to help his appetite and make him comfortable. It's just a matter of time. Say a little prayer for the Nibinator.

The son of a blogger I've read for a few years died last week. I've never met her but she's pretty open on her blog about herself and her family. I can't imagine out living one of my children. I feel weird because I don't know them at all yet I can't stop thinking about them and feeling bad for them. I'm not cold hearted but lets face it I've dealt with my share of death over the years and it doesn't usually weigh on me.

We added three chickens to our family today. The Scientist is doing a study for 4H and needed three chickens of the same breed and age in the prime of their laying years. Of course, it figures, our chickens don't fit that bill so we had to buy three chickens. Who knew it would be so difficult to find someone willing to sell three chickens of the same age and breed. Man, it took her over a month and countless phone calls by The Scientist to finally find them. In fact, it was her mentor at 4H who asked a favor of a friend to help her out. So right now three chickens are living in cages in my garage. After a few days they should be settled in enough to start her study. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this in the future. Three chickens living in your garage has got to provide some good future blog fodder.

I got my fourth stripe in karate last week. That means that in the next few weeks I'll be taking my belt test. Finally.

I'm still sore from the seminar last weekend. I'm getting old.

Two of our chickens chased Mickey across the yard again today. They do not appreciate when he plays chicken bowling (picture a group of eight chickens standing around pecking the ground and doing what ever it is chickens do and Mickey runs through them and makes them all run off squawking). He got away unscathed this time, he wasn't so lucky last time.

The Scientist said to me today. "You're a pretty good mom. We're good kids and we're happy, I guess that means you're doing a good job raising us." I wanted to put that in writing so the next time she has a melt down and slams her bedroom door screaming she hates me I can refer back to it.

I met this guy who lost over a hundred pounds. Being overweight myself and nosy I asked him how he did it. He said he joined Overeaters Anonymous. So after putting it off for a couple of weeks I checked out their website. They had this little test. Answer these ten questions to see if you're addicted to food. I answered 7 out of 10 yes. So I figured, see I only agreed with seven out of ten, that's not too bad. Then I read the results part. It said, "If you answer yes to three or more you have a problem with food addiction." Damn....

Why do I do this to myself?

2010-04-18T14:34:00.008-04:00

What you ask? Let see there are so many things that I seem to do over and over. Procrastinate, over schedule myself, volunteer myself to help someone (when I can barely keep up with my own obligations), digress, open mouth insert foot, not checking the calender and give up sleep in an effort to do it all, just to name a few.

Any and all of these things contribute to the over whelming stress I feel sometimes. So what sent me over the edge this time?

We had a karate seminar this weekend. Friday night and all day Saturday. We had been looking forward to it for months. Does it ever fail that several other things were going on this weekend that we wanted to do. We had to turn them down. We were bummed but there was no way we weren't going to this seminar.

Late last week Baseball Boys' religious school teacher sends out an email saying they will be studying Shavuot this Sunday and they will have a little party to go along with it and could every one send in something. Fruit, vegi's, milk, paper plates, the list was pretty typical. Also on the list was a cake shaped like the Ten Commandment Tablets or a Torah. Shavuot celebrates Moses bringing of the Ten Commandments down from Mt. Sinai. So I have this crazy busy weekend with the seminar. It starts Friday from 5PM to 11PM and resumes on Saturday from 9AM to 5PM. Some pretty great stuff was covered. It was mentally and physically exhausting. So you would think that since I had so much going on I would pick something like the paper plates or milk to bring in. Stuff I usually have around the house so I wouldn't even have to make an extra stop somewhere to get it. Oh and I forgot to mention I still have to work Saturday night. I'm going in a few hours late but it's an all-nighter. In case you haven't figured it out yet I said I'd bring the cake. Why would I do that? I don't have time to bake a cake and make it look like the Ten Commandment Tablets or the Torah. I usually cook/bake from scratch. It's healthier, cheaper and it tastes better, a great combination. So anyway, come Thursday night I panic when I realize I have to make this cake for 8 AM Sunday morning.

So Friday we spend the whole day at a science program at a local library (it wasn't worth the time or money, it sucked). On the way home I stop at a local grocery store to pick up cake mix and fake frosting. I just can't deal with anything more than that. Guess what? I left my purse at home and have no way to pay for it. So I just went home dejected and frustrated with myself.

We get home and get ready for the seminar. Afterward, everyone is invited by our karate instructors to a local Italian Restaurant for a spaghetti dinner. By the time we get home it's almost midnight and we are beat. Up early on Saturday and back to the karate studio. I have one hour after I drop off The Engineer and the kids to get my hiney to a grocery store and redo my trip from the day before only this time with money.

We're at the studio all day. As soon as it's over I rush home. Instead of taking an hour nap and a shower before I go to work like a sensible person would do, I bake two 13"x9" cakes, one chocolate and one butter cake. I wash my face, brush my teeth, brush my hair and pull it up into a pony tail, swallow three ibuprofen, throw my uniform on and I'm out the door.
'
While driving to work I pray to the EMS gods for a peaceful night. My prayers are answered and my partner makes sure I am up and functioning when we log off at 6AM. On the way home I stop and get some chocolate liquorice and a bag of M&M's for back up in case I can't get the liquorice to form Hebrew letters.

I'm feeling good. I have one hour to frost and decorate this cake. I take my two cakes and set them next to each other and cut the tops to give each one an arch. I frost away and use the liquorice to outline the two tablets. I slice the liquorice in half lengthwise (they were pretty thick pieces) and cut them up to make the first six letters of the Hebrew alef-bet. We laid out the sections to form the letters. It was fun even if The Engineer was standing next to me the whole time watching the clock.

I ran over my time limit by 10 minutes, of course. Maybe one day I'll finish something on time. Today is not that day. Off they go to religious school. I sit down on the sofa and immediately fall asleep.

Baseball Boy comes home with an empty cake plate and a dirty knife. The cake was a hit. The kids loved the letters and apparently the cake itself passed muster too. There was only a small piece left and one of the kids took it home.

So at least it was a success. Wonder what I'll do to myself next?

One step closer....

2010-04-16T00:13:00.004-04:00

The concrete guy finished the work around the pool today. All the fill dirt has been spread around and rough graded and as soon as we get a stretch of dry weather top soil will follow. We have an order in for sod to go directly around the pool and we'll seed the rest.

May 1st is the big day. The day The Engineer has waited for 21 years to come. The pool installers will be returning to clean it up and fire up the works.

The water will be cold but that's not going to stop him or the kids from jumping in. I'll be watching from the sidelines. I love to swim but I'll give it a little more time to warm up, thank you.

For me the final step will be teaching a couple of blocks of muscle how to swim. I don't care if they go in the pool or not but Mickey and Malka are going to need to know how to swim and climb out if they fall in.

I'm not worried about the kids they are all good swimmers but the dogs, now that keeps me up at night. If they don't catch on quick I'll have to invest in life jackets for them until they get the hang of it.

When I was a kid my cousin had a big in ground pool with a diving board. They taught their dog how to jump off the board and catch balls mid-air. Malka isn't going to go for that, she's above that type of silliness. But oh Mickey boy....that is right up that crazy boys alley.

I can't wait.

Malka's Secret

2010-04-15T00:06:00.002-04:00

Last night she didn't come when I called her. She added a few more gray hairs to my head and gave my cardiovascular system a workout. It's so not like her I knew there had to be a reason. She can tell me all the stories she wants but I know she can hear me calling her down there, especially at night when sound really carries. She ignored me until hit with the light. She knew she was busted and started running my way like it was the first time she heard me call. Yea right, do you think I fell off the turnip truck yesterday, my dear?

This afternoon I took a stroll down the the edge of the property to see if I could find what had her so fascinated that she didn't come when I called her the first time. I was mostly concerned that the fence had been damaged in some way or she was digging. Or maybe someone threw something into the yard that caught her interest. All of our immediate neighbors like the dogs and comment about how nice and well behaved they are. But you know as well as I do that all it takes is one nasty horrible person to throw something over the fence to hurt them "because they are pit bulls."

So I wasn't really sure what I was looking for as I walked the fence line. From what I could see everything looked okay. The fence was intact and there were no obvious holes. But as I got to the bottom I could see it. The object that my dear Malka had rejected me for just the night before.

Apparently not all the bunnies got the message that this was not a hare friendly yard. Or maybe this one felt a feast of chicken feed the kids had dropped in the yard was worth the risk. Either way it didn't end well for this cottontail. I just hope it was quick for the poor guy. Even the squirrels are not safe. Malka will climb trees to try to get them. It seems though that the squirrels have a better communication system because they have vacated the yard completely.

Rusty used to chase squirrels and quite a few bunnies lost their life on his watch. Field mice and moles were his favorite and I don't mean that in a good way for them. But we had an invisible fence when we had Rusty. So many of these animals could escape because they could cross the line but he had to stop.

No such luck for trespassers in this yard. They run smack into a fence. There are a few small places where they can get in and out but not many. So between that and Malka and Mickey's incredible speed this is just a bad, bad place for rodents to roam.

I hope for their sake the message finally gets around.

My heart can't take much more of this......

2010-04-14T00:18:00.005-04:00

First some ~~fucking idiot~~ obviously visually impaired person pulls out in front of a large fully loaded dump truck.

Then my children melt down in a screaming ball of flames.

And the final blow to my already suffering cardiac system comes from my always dependable girl Malka. I put them out while I do a final check of my email. Mickey goes and does his usual race around the yard to make sure no squirrels and/or bunnies have invaded while he was inside, does his business and comes back in. Malka also does her nightly patrol but she likes to stay out a little longer so she normally doesn't come back right away. So I'm in here goofing off on the computer and Mickey is curled up on the sofa, snoring. All of a sudden I realize that it's been a while and no Malka. I wasn't to concerned, she doesn't always bark to come back in, sometimes she'll just sit on the porch and wait for you to realize she's still outside. So I check the back door, no Malka. I call her and she doesn't come. No biggie she's probably by the front door and she can't hear me. So I head to the front door, flip on the light, but no Malka. Heart rate increases slightly. I call her and there is no response. She always comes, heart rate increases. I go get shoes on and find a flashlight (miracle of all miracles the batteries actually work). I'm really nervous now because I half expected to find her standing at the front door when I return. I'm hoping the brat took her time strolling back after I called her. I open the door and am crestfallen at the empty front porch. I call her again, no response. The last time this happened she was across the road at the neighboring farmhouse. So I walk out in to the yard and pan the light around. I see two shiny eyes way down at the very bottom edge of our property. I call to the shiny eyes and they start running my way. You never, ever get mad at a dog that you have called to come. You can't even pretend to be happy and be mad because they can read you like an open book. So I do my best "so nice of you to come sweetie" impression, when really I wanted to grab her and yell at her not to scare me like that. She's curled up next to me now, snoring, oblivious to the years she shaved off my life.

I can't take this kinda stress anymore.

You're the Worst Mom Ever!

2010-04-12T14:14:00.019-04:00

SLAM

That would be from The Scientist. Ah, the preteen hormonal period of a child’s life.

The Vet was mad because they are not going out to play until they locate three overdue library books. Her response to me calling her over to tell her the names of the books was "What!" For her nasty response she was slapped on the arm. I can not remember the last time I slapped one of the kids. I don't really believe hitting or slapping solves anything. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Lately someone has taken my three usually well mannered kids and replaced them with three mouthy, rude, name calling whippersnappers.

Today the final straw occurred with the nasty "what." I slapped her bare arm without even thinking. I believe all the so called child specialists will tell you that if you do decide to use physical punishment you shouldn't use it in anger. Oh well, I've always been a rule bender anyway.

I also think since "child specialists" have started spouting their rhetoric more kids are screwed up than ever. But, that's going to have to be another post.

That slap created a tirade by The Scientist screaming that hitting your kids is illegal and she's going to call the cops. I told her to get me the phone and I'd save her the trouble. By her passionate response you would have thought that I had hit her or beaten her on numerous occasions. I believe the only time I have ever laid a hand her was when I pulled her arm to teach her how much it hurt the dog to have his tail repeatedly pulled by her when she was a toddler. Everything else we tried to get her to stop had failed and quite frankly the dog was getting pretty fed up with it and I was afraid he would take matters into his own paws or worse yet teeth. After that she no longer pulled the dogs tail.

The other two jumped on The Scientist’s band wagon and before I know it all three kids are screaming at me and then at each other. This is going down hill fast. There is no way I'm going to be able to talk rationally with these three so I send them off to their rooms to calm down. That's where the post title comes in. I will not speak to them or get sucked into their arguments if they can not speak rationally and respectfully.

After about 10 minutes The Vet comes out and apologized for speaking to me so disrespectfully. Not long after Baseball Boy joins her. The Scientist is the last to come out, but she is more concerned that I will cancel our trip on Wednesday to a local science museum. Hey, whatever, at least the screaming is over.

So we talk about what happened. They get down to looking for the books, which started this whole thing, and within ten minutes all three missing books are sitting on the coffee table and everyone is off to play.

I think I'm the only one who realizes how much easier it would have been for them to just look for the books in the first place.

Yom Hashoah

2010-04-11T15:37:00.003-04:00

Today is Holocaust Rememberance Day. This date was chosen because it coinsides with the anniversary of the Warsaw ghetto uprising. Tonight we will be at a local JCC (Jewish Community Center) commemorating this day. It is the first year we will be taking our kids. They know about the Holocaust and have studied age appropriate material on the subject. It scares them. Heck, it scares me. For the first time tonight I will meet Holocaust survivors. I want them to meet my children, to know that their struggle was not in vain. That the next generation carries on the traditions and they will learn about what happened and make sure that they teach it to their children. This young generation will be the last to meet these people. It is up to them to make sure that the horrors of this time are never forgotten. And even more important to understand it so it never is allowed to happen again.

Never again will Jews be marched from their homes without a fight. Never again will we quietly and blindly follow what were obviously lies that lead to the death of so many. Jews will never again give in with hopes of pacifying the oppressor.

Never again.

2010-04-09T00:22:00.002-04:00

I just yelled at all three kids to stay in bed. Would you look at the time!

I almost had a heart attack and I wasn't even involved!

2010-04-09T00:10:00.003-04:00

This afternoon we're driving home from one of our adventures and I'm waiting to make a left turn across a four lane highway. There is a left hand turn arrow so I'm actually waiting for it to turn green. I was going northbound and they have a green light and they are moving right along. 50-55 miles an hour easily. Cross traffic can make a right on red legally but doing it during the day when there is a lot of traffic is ill advised.

So I'm in the zone waiting for my light to turn and I hear the blast of an air horn. Right as I look over a fully loaded dump truck has locked up his brakes and is started to slide sideways and tip to the side. The reason for this is a small four door car made a turn on red and pulled out right in front of the truck. There is a car to the left of the dump truck and he is trying to move over to give the sliding truck room. There really isn't much room to move because of a concrete barrier that divides the highway. It was an incredible sight. My heart rate doubled and I was far enough away even if the truck flipped I was safe.

Smoke from the brakes and tires is billowing from underneath the truck. This is gonna be bad. The truck is tipping to the right while sliding left into the innocent car. The car that pulled out has no where to go and somehow this truck driver is threading his huge truck between these two cars. It will be a miracle if one or both of these little cars doesn't wind up crushed beneath this truck. Either way it's going to be very bad if either one of them even makes contact.

That fast it was over. The offending car quickly pulled into the first driveway it could after nearly causing the catastrophe. The truck driver some how kept control of the truck and straightened it out. The car on the left managed to get by before it was crushed against the concrete divider. The truck pulled right over onto the shoulder of the road and stopped. As the smoke cleared I could see he had put on his hazard lights. Just as my light turned green he had started to pull back out onto the road.

I wanted to go see if he was alright but he had already pulled away. I wasn't involved and I'm still having chest pains over the whole thing. I was witness to a combination of incredible driving, some good luck and what can only be described as a gift from above. Because there is no reason in the world why everyone should have been able to drive away from that intact.

In the News

2010-04-08T05:00:00.006-04:00

So many things are going on right now.

A local town had been having problems with people not controlling their dogs. The town council tried to get a state representative to introduce a bill allowing them to pass local laws regarding specific breeds. Right now it is illegal in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to do that. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed. Many people worked hard to make sure that real facts were studied and not just feel good information passing as facts. After all his investigating the representative found that local laws on the books, when enforced, would take care of the problems they were having. Bummer for a local councilwoman from that town who will now have to walk her two wiener dogs on a leash. Much to the pleasure of some locals who had been charged by those wieners in the past.

Also, in our area. A large local hospital network has announced that it will no longer hire people who smoke. Current employees will be grandfathered. They will be testing for nicotine along with illegal drugs. I don't smoke, just so you know. What's next? Sorry you're BMI is too high you can't do this or that. You dye your hair, no job for you. Cigarettes are not illegal. They are a personal choice. Should the hospital be allowed to ban smoking on their grounds? Sure it's their property. Last time I checked we still have a constitution that allows us personal rights. One of those rights is to slowly kill yourself with tobacco, alcohol, or food. It's your choice as long as you don't take anyone with you.

After the bombing in two of Russia's train stations recently Russia said it's not gonna take any crap from Islamic extremists. When Russia says it's not going to take any crap from someone or a group, you don't want to be a part of that group or even appear to be part of that group. During WWII Germans were terrified of being sent to the Russian front. Russia couldn't be bothered taking care of prisoners. So all prisoners we questioned and killed. Kept down on their prison camp overhead.

Some people are still complaining about Vice President Biden dropping the F-bomb during what he thought was a private moment with the President. Give me a break people. It wasn't directed towards you. It was said in a private conversation. Are we trying to control private conversations now too? If you don't like it don't listen to it. It wasn't intended for your ears anyway. The media should have just ignored it. They couldn't resist the possible rating coup over their latest media fueled so called scandal. What a waste of electrons, trees and ink over that whole dog pile.

Have a great day!

Passion vs. Competition

2010-04-07T10:30:00.001-04:00

I read this post today on The Pioneer Woman. Go read it or you will have no idea what the heck I'm talking about. It's titled "Giovanni".

Thanks for coming back. It's easy to get sucked into her blog and never come out again.

Passion is a very strong feeling or a great love or enthusiasm, but you knew that already.
Competition is all about winning or being the best, but you knew that too.

Giovanni is passionate about soccer. His passion has an entire town excited about the sport. I'm sure he's competitive, passionate people usually are to a certain degree. But their competition is usually with themselves, to be the best they can be at what they love.

I believe that passion inspires people. Competition causes animosity, someone has to win, ergo, someone has to lose. In this day and age people rarely learn from losing. They get angry or they make excuses as to why they lost.

When someone is passionate about something it's about sharing it with others, not winning or losing.

You'll notice that Giovanni yells while coaching. But amazingly it inspires the girls to play harder. It doesn't upset them or make them feel bad. It's all about the passion. If he was just worried about winning or losing it their reactions would be different. Kids all over town wouldn't be signing up to play soccer. They wouldn't be focused on what he's saying or giving it their all.

Often I have people tell me you have to be competitive to get any where in this society today. I disagree. For one thing, I'm not competitive and I'm quite happy where I'm at in my life. But even more, competition is all about beating the next person to where you want to be. I don't think you need to do that to be successful. You need to be passionate about what you are doing. How many of you are passionate about anything in your life? If you're passionate you get where you want to go without having to drag others down to do it. And the rewards are so much sweeter. It brings you joy and it isn't a burden.

This doesn't just apply to individuals, it applies to society as a whole. Americans slid from being passionate to competitive. By crossing that line it has changed from the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few to every man for himself.

There have been flashes of passion showing up here and there recently and I'm hoping that other people are infected and start to inspire others.

When you find what you are passionate about you're life becomes full. Passion gives you purpose. So I want my kids to find something that they are passionate about. When they do their life will open up in front of them.

Not a decent photo to be found....

2010-04-06T00:51:00.003-04:00

Taking pictures of the kids and dogs is something I have always loved doing. Since we invested in a nice digital camera it's even better. No one would ever mistake me for being a photographer but at least I could get my subjects in the photo most of the time. Even if more than a few times there were trees growing out of their heads. As a photographer friend pointed out to me on more than on occasion.

It's a bummer to have a dog that is terrified of the camera but I still manage to sneak a few photos of her when she's not paying attention. I'd love to get some close ups but all pictures of her have to be stealth so that's not an option. When I'm done explaining you'll know why a telephoto lens isn't an option for me.

When the kids were younger it was a pain in the butt to get a picture with all three of them looking sensible. Someone was always making a face or poking someone or just not interested in getting their picture taken. I have one picture of our entire family that looks great but I had to put The Vet in her spot and give her the Evil Mommy Eye to get her to stay just the few moments till the picture could be snapped. It's the last family picture I have that is decent.

You would think as they got older and more accustomed to following directions it would become easier. Well, as anyone with kids knows solving one set of issues just opens up and makes room for newer, more involved issues to emerge.

So I think I've finally hit the golden age of photography. They are old enough to follow directions but not too old to think they look "too terrible" for the pictures to be taken.

But as usual there is a kink in the plan. And it's all about me. I have essential tremors. Essential tremors are due to abnormal communication between certain areas of the brain, including the cerebellum, thalamus and brain stem. There are three types, one is hereditary (the most common), one is neurological issue and one is related to Parkinson's. I have the hereditary type. My father had it and I drew the short straw in our family and now it's mine. I've been symptomatic since I was a kid. Some people don't show symptoms until their older, not me, short straw again.

For years I have been able to control the tremors. They are really only obvious when I'm overtired, very hungry or under a lot of stress. I also got a little bonus with my right hand which jerks every now and then. It's a little embarrassing when it happens especially if I'm holding a drink. Sometimes if I'm holding something it drops out of my hand, it's annoying but it rarely interferes with my day to day life. The Engineer finally got used to me dropping silverware unexpectedly. It used to make him jump, now he barely notices.

It can affect your hands/arms, your legs and your head and voice. Until recently I only had tremors in my hands/arms. Recently my legs have been giving me problems. If I am sitting for a long period they start to ache. Probably because they are forced to stay still when I'm sitting and the muscles get tired (they still move even if the legs are forced to remain still). I'm lucky that so far my head and voice do not seem to be affected. If I am tired it is hard for me to write. And I only use coffee mugs and heavy glasses to drink from. I can't hold a paper cup or light weight cup still anymore. Today I was at a friends house and was drinking a cup of tea from a mug. I had my spoon in it. The spoon kept clinking against the side of the cup. I guess my hands were shaking even though I couldn't really see it.

One of the biggest problems that has recently started is my inability to hold the camera still enough to take a clear picture. Our camera even has image stabilization and I no longer can take a clear picture on some days. Telephoto lens? Forget it, I haven't been able to keep still enough to take a clear picture with one of those for years.

Over the years I've developed coping mechanisms to help control the tremors and lead a pretty normal life. Most people don't even know I have them unless they are around me when my blood sugar drops or I am very tired. Sometimes I forget about them, because these habits have become so second nature.

So now I see my handwriting getting worse. I used to be able to write a decent amount before my writing deteriorated. Now after a few sentences it's starts to show. I've switched almost completely over to printing since I can last longer that way. Fortunately typing is still pretty easy for me, as long as I'm not over tired.

I'm going to be looking for a lightweight, portable easy to use tripod for my camera. It isn't the perfect solution but it's better than nothing. I may never get another picture of Malka again. If the evil black box grows legs she is not going to hang around to find out what happens next.

So far it looks like The Scientist may have drawn the short straw. There is a 50/50 chance of it showing up in the other two but so far I don't see any signs.

I guess it's time to start researching ways to control them beyond what I've been doing all these years.

What is the attraction?

2010-04-05T05:00:00.002-04:00

I don't get it. Why is everyone hooked on facebook? People I work with call it facecrack. Can someone please explain what's so exciting? I'd say it's for people with no life but Just Me has a life, a busy one, so help me please?

Twitter. I'm just not getting that either. It's probably because nobody really cares what I'm doing moment to moment. I'm not even that interested in it.

A Rabbi Returns

2010-04-04T05:00:00.000-04:00

A letter from the synagogue came in the mail the other day. It was from our Rabbi. It's the first communication directly from him since the brouhaha began.

He's returning on March 31st. In his letter he stated he will be holding a special Shabbat Service of Healing on April 16th. He also is offering a sincere apology to those he hurt or offended and hopes that he can be forgiven. He also hopes those people will come to that service so that we can start to heal our congregation as a whole.

I can tell you this is a synagogue with a congregation split. It's not down the middle but there is a strong division between the two sides. There will always be those who can not forgive. I am hoping that those remain the minority during this time of healing. It's easy for me to say since I don't even know what offenses have occured but I feel that since the Board of Trustees have decided he should stay and he wants to stay that every effort should be made to make repairs.

The Engineer and I intend to meet with the Rabbi and get to know him personally. Since this all began not to long after we joined we never got the opportunity to really form our own opinion of him. We've worked hard at staying out of the politics of it all. Now we wish to get to know him and make our own decisions. We intend to support him as he tries to find a common ground so this wound can heal. Injuries like this will leave a scar but we hope that it doesn't result in a disability.

We've made a few friends there and have started to feel comfortable. We intend to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Fortunately, we are not alone.

Open Mouth Insert Foot....

2010-04-02T01:02:00.006-04:00

You know I never know when to shut up. Along with the malfunctioning filter that runs between my brain and my mouth, I often get myself in trouble. Okay, trouble might be too strong of a word, but I can definitely annoy some people.

Two things today showed that there have been no improvements for me in these areas. First, today was our monthly Afternoon with the Arts. It's a home school thing we do where the kids get to each show off something they did or can do. Like artwork, poetry and playing a musical instrument. They have to do it in front of an audience. Then afterward we have high tea for the kids, with finger food, and do a quick etiquette lesson. You know the whole shebang, cloth napkins, real china tea cups, place cards and practicing making small talk. Okay, I know, I know, I digressed. Eventually you'll get used to it. So anyway, who shows up today but the Girl Scout Leader who I previously had issue with. She has been avoiding me since our little to-do. I walk in the door and she's standing right there. She looks like a deer trapped in a snare, she wants to run but can't without being a total ass. So instead of saying a quick hi and letting her escape I make small talk. Forcing her to stay and talk to me for a few moments. It is probably the worst 3 minutes of her day and I thoroughly enjoyed it. After I let her go she was very careful to avoid me the rest of the afternoon. I knew I accomplished what I set out to do. Oh, the small things that bring me joy.

The other thing didn't bring me joy, in fact it bummed me out. I'm not sure what to do with this one. While on the road today we called IT Guy to wish him a happy birthday. After the traditional singing of Happy Birthday on speaker phone by the kids I take the phone. During the conversation I apologize for backing out of having him and his family over for our Passover Seder that I canceled due to an unexpected marathon shift at work. He said no problem and then tells me he doesn't even think we need to invite him over for it since they don't understand or contribute to the seder and they are not raising their kids Jewish. I let him know that he's stuck doing these things since he's the only local family I have. We have cousins out of state who sometimes make it but they can't always. Besides the whole reason for the seder is to tell the story and to learn. Every time I go to or have a seder I learn something new. So he agrees and sees my point. But could I stop there, no I couldn't. I had to open my mouth and continue on. I said I wanted them to be familiar with our traditions, especially his kids so they would understand their cousins religion. Especially since we are practicing Jews. It's hard enough when strangers have no clue about your religion or traditions but to have family members in the same boat is somehow worse. I could hear it in his voice. His discomfort level went up a couple of notches. Even though I have assured him numerous times that how he raises his kids is their decision and not a concern of mine I still get the feeling that he is not comfortable even talking about their choices. I know it's a sensitive issue for him so why don't I quit while I'm ahead. I don't know, maybe it's leftover Jewish Mother Guilt or something but I wish I could get it through his head that I just want them to join us and be a part of it because it's important to my family and we want them to share it with us and nothing more.

Two sides of the same coin. Will I ever learn to control it?

Happy Birthday IT Guy!

2010-04-01T05:00:00.003-04:00

Late on March 31, 1964 my Mom went into labor with her second child. At the time we lived in a small town. One where everyone knows everybody. And the local doctor has delivered just about everyone in town and accepts chickens for payment (well maybe not really but you get the idea).

I was first born. We lived in the suburbs at the time and I was born in a big fancy teaching hospital. All the latest and greatest equipment. My Mom went into labor, they knocked her out and when she woke up they handed her a baby. Ta Da! Just like that.

So my Mom is taken into a labor room in this tiny little town hospital. As was customary at the time, my poor Dad was banished to the waiting room. A nurse turns to my Mom and sweetly says, "This is your second, so you know what to do honey." and walks out the door. The way my father tells it; not to long after that he hears my mother yell at the nurse that she is a sadistic bitch. That prompts my father to go see what's happening, after all there wasn't this much fuss the first time around. They don't want to let him in but he isn't going to be denied. He arrives just in time for the doctor to say to the nurse, "give her more gas, there's another one."

That very simple statement was the first inkling they had that my parents were about to be proud parents of two babies, not just one, as they had anticipated. Ten minutes after IT Guy was born, baby number two made his way into the world. Both boys were healthy 8 pounders. It was the talk of the town!

Meanwhile, the clock had ticked past midnight and this surprise actually came early in the morning on April 1st. After day break my Dad, a well known practical joker, called his family who lives in another state to tell them how they are proud parents of two healthy baby boys.

My fathers' brother answers the phone. When he is told how his sister in law just gave birth to twins he becomes annoyed with his forever joking brother, tells him that isn't something he should joke about and slams the phone down. After my parents stop laughing they call them back to assure them that this isn't an April Fool joke and they really do have two new nephews. My father and his brother got many a laugh over the years repeating this story.

Happy Birthday IT Guy! Really, it's not April Fool's........

Facebook comment

2010-03-31T01:08:00.002-04:00

Dogs wouldn't chase cars if they all didn't "run away".

I'm sorry to bother you with this mindless comment. Someone on a dog forum I belong to posted it and I just had to say it somewhere.

EMS Abuse

2010-03-30T16:48:00.009-04:00

During my marathon shift over the weekend we were busy. So busy in fact I had a hard time keeping up with my paperwork. I ate two meals during those 30 hours and both of them took me 3 reheatings to finish my plate. Most of the shift is a blur now. But one call stands out clearly in my mind. Not because anyone died or was seriously ill or injured. Not because it is a rarity, nope just the opposite, these types of calls are all to common. This one stood out for me because it sums up about how our emergency medical services system is abused. And as an extension of that abuse money is wasted and someone who really needs help is going to have to wait longer to get it.

We were dispatched to an apartment complex that has an entire section devoted to government subsidised housing. We always know when we are in the section that is subsidized since it is a pig pen. There are always men hanging out in front of the buildings, smoking and drinking and doing nothing. I hate going in those buildings. There is always trash in the hallways and God only knows what else. The buildings smell, some like urine most like garbage. Not all of the individual apartments are filthy, some are well kept, but most are gross. We tape the bottom of our pant legs to our boots in some of them to keep the creepy crawlers out. This particular apartment wasn't in bad shape. But like most of them there were at least 10 people living there. The call came in as a maternity. A 15 year old girl, 34 weeks into her pregnancy thought she was in labor. We arrive on scene and there is a large group of people standing in the living room around a girl laying on the sofa. She is holding her swollen belly and moaning. Since she's a minor I ask around to find out where is her mom. One of the women steps forward and said she's the mom. I get a basic story about what is going on from her and go over to examine the girl. She might be in labor but of course she hasn't been paying attention to whether the pains come and go or if they have been increasing in any way. Just that at this very moment she is in pain. She hasn't even called her doctor. Yep, a great help this one's going to be. She tells me she has had prenatal care from the beginning and this has been a normal pregnancy. She and her mom want us to take her to the hospital. So we haul her butt out to the ambulance and get her secured on the litter. Mom said she isn't going to ride with us she's going to follow us to the hospital. And she does, right on the ass of our ambulance all the way.

Here in lies my problem with all this. Why is this girl going to the hospital with us? She can walk. She's in labor. Big deal. I've done it three times and walked my ass out to my car and my husband drove me to the hospital. She didn't bother with the husband part but her mom is with her and she obviously drives. So here we are, tying up an ambulance on this bullshit run. What about the people who really need an ambulance (more on that later)?

So we get her to the hospital and take her right up to labor and delivery. They confirm what we already knew. She's in the early stages of labor. It's gonna be a while.

So then there is the icing on the cake. At the hospital I collect her insurance information for our billing department. She and her mother are on welfare. So my tax dollars are paying for this girl to have a baby at 15 and for a totally unnecessary ride to the hospital in my ~~taxi~~ ambulance.

This is a perfect example of why I am against government sponsored health care. There is an entire class of people abusing the system that we have. This is just opening it up for more abuse. You can guarantee that if people had to pay for an ambulance ride out of their own pocket so much of these abuses would just stop. But since they just hand over their "get a free ride" insurance card they don't think twice about calling. We have plenty of uninsured people in this country. We don't have people without access to health care. I know because I pick them up all the time and take them to the hospital where they are taken care of and they are cared for whether they can or can not pay and whether they are insured or uninsured.

We need to put a stop to the abuses our health care system endures. The insurance companies need tighter regulations. They need to make a profit but they shouldn't be allowed to take peoples money then dump them when they get expensive. Or refuse to insure them because of pre existing conditions. I also don't think it's right to have a number cruncher override a doctors decision. But how many doctors order tests to protect themselves from lawsuits, not because they are medically necessary. I can't blame them, but what a waste of money. Tort reform limiting lawsuits would be a good start.

Maybe one day we will be able to tell a patient to take themselves to the hospital when an ambulance isn't really necessary. Insurance companies are pushing for just that very thing. I see their point. It costs a lot of money every time one of our ambulances rolls out the door, somebodies paying for it, the insurance companies, and in many cases the taxpayers. In the end we are all paying for it.

I'm sick and tired of paying for 15 year olds having babies and drug addicted idiots living off welfare. Or the lonely elderly woman looking for company who calls for help so she can go to the hospital for some company and a hot meal. Or the 20 year old male who has abdominal pain. Suck it up, go out to the car and get a ride. Your mommy follows the ambulance half the time anyway. One of my favorites is the person who has been sick for days and waits until 3 AM to call for an ambulance. What, after three days of being sick all of a sudden now you need to get help, you couldn't wait until morning to call your doctor?

There are many legitimate reasons to call an ambulance. We carry drugs that can save your life. Whether you're ill or injured we are trained to help you. But we are not a taxi. There is nothing that galls me more than taking someone to the hospital and having a family member ride right behind the ambulance. If my lights and sirens are not on during the transport and you can follow the ambulance then you should have driven the person to the hospital yourself.

Two weeks ago we had a call of a male with chest pains. We were not out on a stupid call and was able to respond right away. He was having a massive heart attack. Due to our quick work he is alive today. That is the way it's supposed to work. His outcome wouldn't of been as good if he had to wait an extra 10-15 minutes for an ambulance to come from further away. He was in the cath lab in under 30 minutes from the time of the initial call. They put two stents in his heart and he has no permanent damage. This is because of the speed in which we got him there and the treatment we were able to provide. Those kind of results don't happen when I'm out playing taxi to someone who really didn't need us.

Did you think I forgot about you?

2010-03-29T00:28:00.003-04:00

I'm just coming off a 30 hour shift at the squad. A very busy 30 hour shift. I'm not sure what my middle name is right now. I'll get back to you after some serious sleep.

Who knew that in a country with oceans on both sides that finding fish caught or raised in the USA would be so difficult

2010-03-26T11:28:00.001-04:00

I have this recipe for Talapia Scampi. It is yummy. The best part is everyone in the family likes it so there is no bitching and complaining at dinner when I make it. In fact, there is never even a flake left over no matter how much I make. I don't make it often because fish is expensive and the whole house smells like fish for a couple of days after I make it. I don't like that. But now and then the need to enjoy it overcomes my thin wallet and my adversion to lingering cooked fish smells.

I made up our two week menu and my shopping list to go with it. There were cheers all around when they saw Talapia Scampi on the menu for this week.

I didn't have the heart to tell everyone when I got home that there wasn't a domestic talapia fish to be found in the area. I'd even settle for North American Talapia. Farm raised in China was all I could find. The phrase "farm raised in China" just scares me. This was also on the label: Contains additives to preserve and enhance color. I think I actually shivered right there in the seafood section.

There has to be a seafood store somewhere around here. One that sells fish that aren't chemically enhanced. One that sells fish that may have actually swam in an ocean at some point. Not just flash frozen after spending its pitiful existence in a filthy tank. I don't have a problem eating fish that are grown in a fish farm. It's probably the only thing that's going to save our oceans from overfishing. But China isn't exactly known for it's enviromentally healthy ways. I'm sure they aren't too concerned with the enviroment of a farmed fish.

No doubt the groan of another disappointment will be heard if I can't locate a real seafood store in the next few days.

Rescued Dog Thwarts Car Jacking

2010-03-25T16:15:00.002-04:00

A wonderful story about how even dogs that have been horribly abused can make a huge difference in someones life.

Prayers for my Puppies-update

2010-03-25T11:39:00.004-04:00

We got the results back from the blood work. Malka's didn't show anything more than we already knew. She will continue on the antibiotics and extra fluids for two more weeks then we will retest her. Since we really don't know how old she is, we've only been guessing, and since pit bulls age so gracefully, she could be much older than we think. That's what continues to worry me. She's going to need your continued prayers.

Mickey's blood work came back great. That hunk of muscle is healthy as a horse and his liver function is perfect.

Prayers for my Puppies

2010-03-24T05:00:00.000-04:00

Please keep my fur kids in your thoughts and prayers. Both of them are having some health problems right now. We thought they had urinary tract infections but the urinalysis came back showing Malka had a +3 protein in her urine and Mickey had a +2 bilirubin.A +3 protein means there is a problem with kidney function. It should be zero. A +2 bilirubin could indicate a problem with liver function. The number should be a negative number.

Later today both will be having follow up blood work.

Both are asymptomatic at this time for kidney or liver problems and the vet said not to worry because urinalysis isn't the most accurate way to test bilirubin and Malka had a recent UTI that may of caused some infection to travel to her kidneys. She will continue on antibiotics for now until we get a more accurate picture.

I'm trying not to worry. It's not working.

BSL - The Harsh Reality

2010-03-23T01:10:00.004-04:00

Breed-specific legislation (BSL) bans or restricts certain types of dogs based on their appearance because they are perceived as “dangerous” breeds or types of dogs.

It is a cruel type of law that does nothing to protect people and punishes responsible dog owners. It's just another example of a feel good law. They are costly both financially and to the responsible owners of the targeted breeds.

Picture this if you will. You've had a dog for years. It is a loyal family pet. Your town has a problem with loose dogs roaming the streets. You never paid much attention to it though because you don't let your dog roam. You're pet is neutered and receives regular veterinary care. Some of these roaming dogs attack a jogger and he is severely injured. The person identifies these dogs at pit bulls. The local media grabs onto the story and they next thing you know some legislator is writing up a law to ban "pit bull" dogs in your town. Right now let's just gloss over the point that a "pit bull" isn't even a breed. People are freaking out. They demand that something be done.

Now in the beginning pit bull owners didn't believe that something like this would happen. This is America after all. Common sense would prevail. They were sure of it. They wouldn't punish responsible dog owners? After all, even identifying a "pit bull" is not as easy as it sounds. Jump on over to this site and take the test. Then let me know how many times it took you to get the right answer.

Well, in many areas common sense didn't prevail. Laws were passed and thousands of family pets were turned into shelters and destroyed. Or confiscated by animal control to meet the same fate. All it took was a phone call from a disgruntled neighbor and you're beloved family pet could be seized. Pit bull owners who wouldn't part with their dogs moved out of the towns or went underground with their dogs. Afraid to walk them in public they hid them. They would forgo veterinary care for fear of their pet being seen in public. As I type this I am reminded of how Jews in Europe hid and feared for their lives as the Nazi's took control.

Let's not feel comfortable by thinking you're safe because you don't own a pit bull. They are not the only targeted breed. There are 75 breeds of dogs that are targeted by BSL for one reason or another. Some you would expect to see on the list. Pit Bulls, Rottweilers, German Shepard Dogs, and Akitas are a few. What caught me by surprise was seeing the Labrador Retriever, Airedale Terrier and Australian Shepherd on the list. Want an eye-opener, google "BSL lists" and take a look at how ridiculous it is. Somewhere in this country some town has decided that the Pug is just to dangerous to live there.

One thing that scares me is you don't even have to live in these towns to have your dog taken from you. If you're breed is on this list and you travel through an area with BSL they can and will take your dog. There are many stories of this happening but one story sticks in my mind. A couple was traveling down Int 95 through Prince Georges County, MD when they got a flat tire. Their dog a female American Pit Bull Terrier was in the car with them. A police officer pulled up to help them and seeing the dog confiscated it. The next morning their lawyer filed an appeal to get their dog back. They were notified that the dog had been destroyed after being brought in the night before.

There are groups all over the country fighting these laws. They have had some success, but it isn't easy. Study after study has shown that these laws don't work. There are laws, when enforced, that will protect people from dangerous dogs. They are working.

Dog bites in this country have been on the decline for years. Even as the number of dogs in this country has more than doubled during the same time period.

So what do you do? Be proactive. Get to know your lawmakers and talk to them about your concerns before something happens to bring up the subject. Make sure your dog is a breed ambassador. Get them out in the world so people can meet real pit bull owners and their dogs. Most importantly don't pretend that it can't happen where you live.

In the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania BSL has been deemed unconstitutional and is against the law. That hasn't stopped several communities from enacting these laws. They are being challenged in the court systems. I watch these cases like a hawk. Where we used to live our local representative knew me, how I felt and had met my dogs. The kids wrote letters asking him to protect our dogs from BSL. Now that we live in a new area we have to start over. But that's okay it will just be another person on our side.

Punish the deed, not the breed.

The Food Chain

2010-03-22T17:06:00.000-04:00

Nibbles, age 6

Did you know that guinea pigs purr? It's a sweet sound. He's getting really old. Daisy tries to get into his cage. She got her foot bitten for the effort.

Daisy, age 2

The dogs ignore her. Unless she runs by, then they can't help themselves, they chase her. It's a routine. Run, chase, yelled at to stop. She lays on the back of the sofa and flicks her tail at them.

Malka and Mickey

They think they're at the top. We let them believe it.

Let the games begin

2010-03-19T00:13:00.004-04:00

This afternoon Baseball Boy had his first practice for this years spring baseball season. He had a pretty good time. He reported some very talented burpers on his team. He was especially impressed by the kid who could burp the alphabet.

His coach seemed like a nice guy. I was pleased that there seemed to be some teaching of game basics instead of just letting the kids figure it out by themselves. This is the first level that they have pitchers instead of using a pitching machine and it was fun to watch the kids all try to get the hang of throwing the ball across the plate. I had the laugh when the coach reminded everyone about wearing a cup even just for practice. Seems these young pitchers get a little carried away with themselves sometimes.

We had the usual assortment of overly enthusiastic parents. The father who was micromanaging his kid from the sidelines. The mom who told me that this is her sons third year playing and she hopes he likes it this year. As usual I can't turn my filter on in time and asked her why she even signs him up if he doesn't like it. She was saved trying to answer when her son got hit by a ball because he wasn't paying attention. Yep, I could see he was lovin' being there already.

But overall the kids looked like they were having fun. There was a lot of kidding around and silliness you get when you put a bunch of 8 and 9 year old boys together. Following directions took a distant second to making the kid next to you laugh. A little rough housing and a lot of mud. You could hear the burps and silly noises across the entire field.

Yep, this has potential to be a good baseball season.

One disappointment after another

2010-03-18T17:23:00.001-04:00

Normally I don't feel too bad when something happens and my kids are left disappointed. Life is full of ups and downs. If they don't learn to handle the downs when they are young and relatively minor (at least to the adults) how are they going to handle the biggies when they are older.

It seems like every time they turn around lately something doesn't work out that they had been excited about.

A much anticipated play date canceled because of a change in religious school schedule.

A reading class one of them had been looking forward to canceled due to a death in the family of the teacher.

Having to leave their theater group early because of a dentist appointment.

A "date" that had to be postponed due to illness.

A mothers helper job postponed due to illness.

A trip to the zoo canceled due to a broken toe.

A sleepover canceled due to one of the kids not being ready to do it.

All of this occurring over the course of a week. At times like this I repeat to myself "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." But, as the tears fall over and over again even that seems hollow.

Longer School Days?

2010-03-17T15:47:00.008-04:00

I'm taking a break in my story to talk about an article I read today. According to the article Mike Feinberg, co founder of the KIPP (Knowledge is Power Program), feels that children benefit from longer school days and even though schools around the country are cutting their hours, and in some cases their days to save money, he is increasing the hours each day the kids spend in school and even adding two Saturdays a month to the schedule.

In January 2009, U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan said, "I think the school day is too short, our week is too short, our year is too short." And he was referring to a five-day week, 180-day school year, let alone the truncated version that many cash-strapped districts will provide this year. Take away time, take away learning. As the co-founder of the Knowledge Is Power Program, a national network of extended-day public charter schools, I know there is no substitute for the hours a student spends with an effective and inspiring teacher.

The last sentence is what really matters. If students had effective and inspiring teachers I wouldn't be homeschooling. Sure there are wonderful teachers. But the system is set up to drag them down too. Teacher's unions protect bad teachers leaving them to damage children and pulling down the entire system. Education is not a"thing" you can buy in a store. It is a philosophy taught by the parents, nurtured by the teachers and embraced by the student. Until the system that confines our children for a hundred and eighty days a year, subjecting them to test after test, inspires them to learn, nothing will change in the education system. KIPP's programs appear to be working because of the overall effectiveness of their teachers. Also, as a charter school they are not bound and gagged by the requirements so many public schools are. This I believe is the key to their success. Public school systems don't set out to fail our children. Teachers don't set out to squash the love of learning from our children. Pouring more money into the system won't fix it. Adding hour after hour, day after day to the school calender won't change a thing and may do more harm than good. It's all about quality, not quantity. Just like so many things in America, the school day is full of waste. Wasted time, wasted money, wasted effort. That's where schools should start looking. Pouring more hours into the day and more money into the system isn't the answer.

Comparing schools in the US to other countries is like comparing apples to oranges. Their entire system is different. Not just the hours or the money they spend. Parents don't value education in this country like in many other countries. KIPP is proving that it doesn't have to start at home but the kids who need a program like KIPP wouldn't even be necessary if parents truly believed in the value of education, then put the effort into passing those values on to their children.

What I've noticed that many (not all, of course) parents are happy to just ship their kids off to school and let the school system deal with them. That causes the school district to shift from educating kids to housing them. That creates an environment for kids who really want to learn to become discouraged. Standardized testing which affects funding causes the schools to focus on the tests instead of learning. Who can blame them? Most of them are surviving on a shoe string and can't risk losing funding.

I don't believe more hours or money is the answer, at least now. First you have to fix what's really wrong. Then work to improve from there. A new paint job on a junker just makes a shiny junker. It's still a piece of crap underneath.

How the heck did a full time working Mom wind up being a homeschooling SAHM? Part 2-Live or Die

2010-03-16T00:09:00.011-04:00

Some people say if they didn't have bad luck they'd have no luck at all....

I think that's a load of crap. I'm more of an everything happens for a reason type person. As you've probably figured by now the rabies test came back positive. I had been bitten by a rabid cat. And just to make it a little more interesting 3 days had gone by between the time of the bite and when we found out.

I get my hiney over to the hospital to start the rabies vaccine series. The doctor was pissed. Why did I wait three days? Do I know that once symptoms start you're dead? You should have come over right after you were bitten. Okay already! So what should I be looking for? Numbness and/or tingling at the bite site is one of the early signs. The problem with that symptom was I had that before I was bitten. Years of typing while entering emergency calls for dispatch had left me with a well established case of carpel tunnel syndrome. They said it would travel up my arm if it was rabies. So how long until I know for sure if I didn't start the shots in time. Ten days. So in ten days I'll know. Live or die. I spent a lot of time thinking about those three little words; live or die.

One of my only true fears is dying before my children are grown. Now I was facing that head on. The question was, had I given them everything I could while I had the chance? I didn't like the answer. Ten longs days and ten sleepless nights. Did I have regrets? Would I get a second chance?

Up until that time I was pretty darn pleased with the way things were going in my life. I honestly believed that if I died I would have no regrets. So why when that became a real possibility did all my answers change. Did I just not know better or was it denial of my true feelings? To this day I'm not really sure.

So ask yourself. If you died tomorrow, what would you regret? What didn't you do? I know some people who are making up lists of things they want to do before they die. I think it's kinda neat and might just do it myself. But a much more interesting list would be what do I need to change in my life right now so that I would have no regrets dying tomorrow. The lists may overlap in places but my goal would be to have nothing on the regrets list and something always on the to do list.

I'm still here. The shots were not fun but not as bad as I'd heard they would be. I was grateful they were available. The worst part was getting lectured by the doctors everytime I had to go to the ER to get the next in the series.

To this day I don't know why I went to work everyday during those ten days. I guess there was still a chunk of denial in the way. I certainly would not regret missing work if I was going to die. So why would I waste what little time I had left there. But I didn't ask those questions right away. In fact, it was almost 18 months later before I did.

That time I paid attention.....

How the heck did a full time working Mom wind up being a homeschooling SAHM? Part 1- Workaholic?

2010-03-15T11:19:00.004-04:00

Hello, my name is Rusty's Mom and I'm a workaholic. I could picture myself standing in front of a group of others saying those words. Now is it denial or reality when I say, not really? I enjoyed my job but I also enjoyed my home time and looked forward to spending time with my husband and children. I mostly enjoyed making my own money, having the security. What if The Engineer died suddenly or found some cute hottie and I was left to raise three young children alone? Even BK (before kids) work was a huge part of my identity. I was a 911 dispatcher and had been for 21 years and worked at the vet's office too. I never hesitated to take home the on-call pager to pick up a little overtime either.

Helping people and animals and making decent money doing it. A great husband and three cool kids. The best dog ever. My life was sweet. Exhausting but sweet.

Because I worked 12 hour days the kids were only in day care two days one week and three days the next. It felt like a perfect balance between work and home. It also gave The Engineer full time parenting days because I worked every other weekend.

So what happened to change all this? Actually, it was two things. It started back when hubby and I decided to add another two legged kid to our family. That kid turned out to be Baseball Boy. But before conception occured I was bitten by a cat at the vets office. The cat was very ill when it was brought in. A family found it as a stray and wanted to help it. During the exam the cat bit me on the hand, drawing blood. Two days later the cat passed away and because of it's symptoms and subsequent death the vet decided to have it tested for rabies.

Some people say if they didn't have bad luck they'd have no luck at all....

A Sad Reality

2010-03-14T23:05:00.003-04:00

The sad reality of pit bull rescue is outlined in this post. Tough decisions are made every day by rescuers and foster families. I don't know how they do it. My heart breaks just reading about it.

Under the snow

2010-03-12T11:48:00.004-05:00

After a string of warm days our wonderland of white has melted away. Leaving in it's place a muddy wasteland.

Many treasures were found once the snow was gone. My husband's knitted hat, my gloves, an egg cleverly hidden by our chickens, a couple of baseballs and a softball. Several of our snowstorms were nor-easters so there are plenty of small tree limbs and branches scattered about too.

Our yard went from a white beautiful wonderland to a cluttered wreck.

But by far the most abundant item out there is piles and piles of dog poop. There is no scooping of poop during snowy times. As they go it is often quickly buried by another layer of snow. Or the warm mass sinks down into the layers.

Our three month reprieve from yard work is over. Break out the rakes, rototiller, shovels, lawn and leaf bags and the pooper scooper, of course. We're also going to need some weed and feed to help repair this pathetic excuse for a lawn.

It's going to be a lot of work this year because of the added repair needed from the pool installation but we have a great yard and I can't wait to enjoy it and share it with our friends.

No good deed goes unpunished...

2010-03-11T01:00:00.006-05:00

This was the post on Facebook today from a certain troop leader I know. The temptation to comment "you can say that again" under it was strong and I'm still not sure I'm going to be able to resist doing it.

As you now know we wrapped up cookie sales today. About two weeks ago our service unit cookie manager (SUCM) told me that we appear to be the top selling troop in her unit. All the numbers were not in but it was looking good for us. I don't even remember if I mentioned it to the other Cookie Mom. It was mentally filed under "I'll worry about that later." As things were coming to a close the SUCM met the other Cookie Mom and again mentioned to her that it looked like our troop was top sellers. We figured it would be really cool to be the ones to tell the girls.

So imagine our surprise, hurt, disappointment, and let down when one of the leaders posts to the GS Yahoo group that our group was the top seller. Then follow that up by the other leader posting how many boxes we sold and about how much money she figured we made. Talk about jumping the gun. All our final paperwork wasn't even done at this time. This was the response that the other Cookie Mom and I sent.

Hey (leader),

It's wonderful news and we are all very happy about how well the girls did. However, we were really looking forward to telling the girls ourselves. We worked pretty hard so the girls had the opportunity to make this a success and we wanted to share in their celebration when they found out. One of the only perks to being Cookie Mom(s) is being able to announce to the girls their success and hand out their prizes. We had hoped to be the ones to make this particular announcement.

We don't want to start a big to-do, we just wanted to let you know how we feel.
Cookie Mom 1 and Cookie Mom 2

PS. It is not necessary to thank us for our work. We were happy to do it for the girls, really.

Well, the response from the leader was quick and nasty. We didn't expect her to be happy but you would have thought we accused her of high treason. Her first complaint was that we responded directly to her email so it went to the group. Well yeah, if there is any hope of the moms not telling their daughters we needed to get that word out. Second complaint was that we attacked and berated her for announcing this. I didn't think so, in fact Cookie Mom 2 made me tone down the response, you should have seen my rough draft. She accused us of saying she had "evil intentions" and we were just mad because she "stole our thunder", which wasn't her intention. Please, dear reader, do you see any of that in our response. I assure you it wasn't even in my rough draft. We were upset, but not because we thought she did it intentionally to hurt us, just that she didn't consider that this might be something we'd like to announce. Let's not even get into the fact that this information wasn't even confirmed

So here's where we screwed up. In the beginning we had a problem in our troop. See, nobody ~~in their right mind~~ wanted to be cookie mom. So through a string of emails we decided to form a Cookie Team. The Cookie Team had a meeting. At the meeting we had the two leaders and us. First thing, right off the bat one of the leaders (who happens to be the one we are now having an issue with) informs us that she can be a part of the "team" but she is much too busy to be expected to actually do anything. The other leader told us she could help in the beginning but that she was going away on vacation for 3 weeks in the middle of cookie sales, and she's leaving in two weeks, so she would do what she could before she left. So we talk about what we need to know to get started and we each take "assignments". Since the one leader made it clear she didn't have time for this all she had to do was pick up some permission slips from the SUCM (who lives less than a mile from her house) and bring them to the next troop meeting in a week. The other leader was going to try to set up some booths at a bank. At the meeting we ask for the permission slips and she said she didn't get them but we could just go get them now if we wanted, which we did. So she now dumped the one thing she said she'd do right back in our lap. Okay, so much for that team member. So the other leader gets some booths set up and leaves for vacation. While on vacation she tries to stay in touch via email for the booths but it was getting to confusing with her away since most of the parents were approaching us to make the arrangements. So the Cookie Team became Cookie Mom 1 and Cookie Mom 2. We didn't bother to clarify this with our other "team members" since we were too damn busy actually doing the work. So the sale is wrapping up and CM1 and CM2 have everything under control. Damn, I digressed again. I was supposed to be telling you how we screwed up. We didn't tell the other two members of our so called Cookie Team that we planned to make the announcements to the girls and hand out their incentive prizes at a meeting. You know with everything going on you'd think we would have taken them into consideration. I mean I don't know why we wouldn't have told them. It's really only common courtesy considering all their hard work. Oh, wait a minute I have that backwards. Silly me. I'm all over the place aren't I.

So I'm wondering if it's just me. I mean with the weight of Jewish Mother Guilt always over my head sometimes it hard to know if I'm the guilty rotten party. I also sometimes get mired down by common sense. I forget that not everyone possesses that trait. So at close out we run our dilemma past our SUCM. See we lucked out, our SUCM is a life time super Girl Scout. Not only did this woman go through the entire girl scout program, she has been a troop leader, service unit manager and a cookie manager and her mother was some big boss honcho at Girl Scout HQ. This woman knows her Girl Scout stuff. So after running past her what happened she apologizes profusely for telling the leader that we might be top sellers, she had no idea this woman would do such a thing. She even said she'd remove her from the email list for cookie information if we wanted. She said what she did was totally inappropriate and that it is supposed to be the Cookie Mom(s) who gets the joy of sharing all the final numbers with the girls.

So now the other leader (who's back from vacation jumps in and wants to know how the Cookie Team became two Cookie Moms. After I explained it to her she didn't respond to my email. Guess she got my point. Oh and I cc that one to the other leader too, you know in case she was wondering.

The other Cookie Mom also sent a response to the leaders. Guess they got tired of it and never even responded to her. At least at this point anyway.

So my final line of my final email to them was "So please, if it involves cookie stuff, please run it past CM1 or CM2 before going to the group. It's all we're asking."

In the end the one leader (the one who posted the offending email) apologized. We said it was wrong of us to assume you knew these things. I'm sure they didn't pick up on the sacasm in that statement. I can tell you we have two very unhappy leaders who know they are between a rock and a hard place with this. Can you guess why? No hints..... Scroll down when you're ready to compare your answer.
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Because we did a great job, they know it and they know no one else in the troop is going to do it if we don't. So they are stuck with us as Cookie Moms. And as much work as it was we enjoyed it and the satisfaction we got from helping the girls reach their goals and do so well was sweet. So we're going to do this again next year. So suck it up ladies, tomorrow's a new day.

It's Over

2010-03-10T15:05:00.006-05:00

Today at 12:30 we met with our cookie service manager, turned in our paper work and the incentive awards to her and just like that it's over. After almost 8 weeks of thinking about nothing but cookies I need to find another way to fill my time. You know, like helping my daughter with her spelling or the bane of her existence, long division. Or helping my son with his reading and maybe help him study his Hebrew letters. Or maybe even come home when I'm supposed to instead of meeting parents to deliver cookies and collect money. Maybe spend some time practicing for my next belt test in karate instead of going to the cookie warehouse or the cookie cupboard. Maybe even read a book. Now there's a concept.

Well, all the hard work paid off. It looks like our troop was the highest selling troop in our service unit. The girls really stepped up to the plate, they should be very proud of themselves. The other Cookie Mom and I are very proud of ourselves. We've been told several times that a Cookie Mom makes or breaks a cookie sale. We feel good.

Of course, no good story comes to an end quietly and without drama... This one was no different.

Just needed some cheering up.....

2010-03-09T00:39:00.014-05:00

Dance to the music!

Oh, to be young again....

Mickey is plum tuckered out.

A beautiful girl enjoys a beautiful park.

Summer will soon be here.

Don't run me over.

Oops, busted in the mud.

Conjecture, Lies and Speculation

2010-03-09T00:10:00.005-05:00

Now that the truth is filtering through....

Once again it is obvious that the news media doesn't care about facts. One article I read said the medic was possibly stabbed. Another said he appeared to be beaten. Some said there didn't appear to be a weapon involved (well they guessed that one right). Others at least used the word speculation during their endless conjecture as to what happened.

One article even went so far as to say the subject who killed the medic was mentally ill and would be tried for the murder but would probably spend the rest of his life in a mental institution not prison. I expect this crap from the rag mags at the grocery store not a major news outlet.

So let's get this straight. At least this is what I know so far. The paramedic chased after the patient when he ran away. While running he suffered a massive heart attack. He fell to the ground and sustained a head injury. There was no physical contact between the medic and the patient.

I'm jaded so I don't really expect them to get it right, but I'd hope they would at least try to pretend that the truth is important.

A Local Loss

2010-03-08T10:38:00.004-05:00

Last night a 37 year old paramedic was killed in the line of duty. I worked with him as a dispatcher and he was a part of our extended EMS family.

We have a dangerous job, we just don't talk about it. We've all be hit, kicked and punched by patients to ill, either mentally or physically, to know what they are doing. It is part of our job.

I go to work every time with the attitude of safety first. I'm going home to my husband and children, that's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

But we all know how the best laid plans go sometimes. This was a reminder in case anyone was starting to forget.

He left behind a wife and two daughters. We will be there for them but their lives will never be the same.

Synagogue and kids

2010-03-06T16:36:00.002-05:00

It would have been nice to know that ours isn't a particularly child friendly synagogue when it comes to services. They have one family service a month and children are only welcome to other services if they can show a "modicum of decorum". Oh please, modicum of decorum after spending the entire day in school then sitting through a 2 hour service without making any noise. Follow that with the sugar fest that is the oneg and it's a wonder they have any control at all.

Recently they had a family service and there were a lot of families. Isn't that the point of a family service? They should have been happy. We weren't at that service but I heard the kids were fine at the service but got wound up at the oneg. A certain person in a position of authority was greatly offended by the poor manners of the children involved. Should the parents of those kids involved corrected them? Well, yeah. But they didn't. Early the next week an email went out informing everyone that they needed to control their kids at the oneg. Sounded fine to me. Case closed, you would think.

But this person decided that the children did not fit their definition of a "modicum of decorum" and that the email just didn't get the point across. During the next service she has someone from the board of trustees read a note (that she wrote) to the congregation chastising the parents for the unruly children. We'll uh, the two families with kids who were there (and there were just two) weren't at the family service. Needless to say we were both insulted. Our kids are far from perfect and now and then we have to remind the kids how to behave but the way she made it sound our kids were animals. I thought it was ironic that the author of the note chose not to attend this service.

The father of the other family and I decided not to let this go. Over the next week we spoke to countless people, made several phone calls to the clergy and wrote letters to the board. We got our point across. The woman who initially wrote the note was over ruled by the others. We heard from someone else in authority that she was extremely unhappy with the note being tossed. We received support and an apology from the board. She had wanted it read before every service. So now when we see her she gives us the hairy eye ball. I just give her a big smile.

I am Vindicated!

2010-03-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

My mother was the grammar police. She could not stand improper use of our language. You should of heard her rant when she'd find grammatical errors in a newspaper, of all places. Then I married a grammar cop. Okay, so he's not as bad as my mom but he hates when I write something and end the sentence with a preposition. I've heard it before, but sometimes a sentence just needs to end that way. We've even had a few ~~arguments~~ discussions on the subject.
So today I'm poking around on different blogs. You know, because I have nothing else to do. I come across Grammar Girl. Wouldn't you know it she has a write up on ending a sentence with a preposition. Guess what she called it? Grammar Myth #1. Ha, vindication at last!

If you just don't want to, or can't bring yourself to believe me head on over to her site and check out what she has to say. She even explained the Who vs Whom thing in a way I might actually remember. I'm still struggling with the lie vs lay dilemma. Maybe I'll understand that at some point in my life.

I may not be the grammar police but I do prefer not to sound like a moron. Also, since I'm supposed to be teaching my children grammar it helps to have backup. I feel free.

Things are not what they seem

2010-03-04T22:30:00.006-05:00

I homeschool but I'm not Christian
I homeschool but we're not unsocialized
I homeschool but we're not home much
I had a midwife and gave birth naturally: in a hospital
I bottle fed my kids but used cloth diapers
I homeschool and my kids are vaccinated
I don't think fluoride is an evil plot
I'm an overweight middle aged white woman: with pit bulls for pets
I'm an overweight middle aged white woman who will kick your butt if you try to hurt my family
Most of the meals we eat are home cooked with no processed food.
I'll feed my kids fast food without guilt
I live in suburbia but have chickens in my yard
I'm a feminist who is a SAHM
I'm a feminist who would die before I gave up my bra
I'm a liberal who thinks people should be responsible for themselves and their actions
I'm registered Democrat but believe government is way to big
I rarely cry except at the end of sad movies
I'm Jewish and love bacon and lobster
I'm not vain but I dye my hair

If I think of more I'll let you know. What's yours?

Facebook comment.....

2010-03-03T21:40:00.003-05:00

I have an account on Facebook but I rarely post. At first it seemed interesting but once I got it I realized it was stupid. I'm just going to put my comment here.

Rustys Mom is: sitting here feeling sorry for herself because she broke her toe at karate tonight.

A Voice from the Past

2010-03-02T15:14:00.010-05:00

I retired in 2002 after 21 years as a 911 dispatcher. It was a great job. I loved the work. Sure stupid people made it aggravating sometimes, but overall it was a very rewarding experience. When I was young and an adrenaline junkie this was a dream job.

Stupidest call: After a blizzard when people had been stuck inside for several days I received a call from a woman, crying, almost to the point of hysteria, because her power was still out and she had to go out but she couldn't get her car out because of the garage door opener doesn't work without power. I had her go to the garage, told her to look for a cord hanging from the garage door opener, told her it's usually red. She said she saw it and I told her to pull it. She did and lo and behold the door was released and she could open the door. She started crying harder and thanked me for saving her. God forbid this woman ever has to deal with a real emergency. Of course this was after answering about 300 calls in an 8 hour period so my patience had worn pretty thin at that point.

Second stupidest call: A man who wanted an ambulance because he found a tick on his stomach.

Third stupidest call: A woman who called and was upset because there were three deer in her backyard and she wanted them removed.

Alright, that's enough of that.

I feel weird saying this but I was a pretty darn good dispatcher. Something I got a lot of satisfaction from was training new dispatchers. Dispatching is a tough job to learn. They can only teach you so much in classroom training. Most of what you learn is through experience and having a good mentor to teach you once you're out of the classroom. That's what I liked to do. It seemed like I almost always had a trainee. I didn't mind taking them and they usually turned out pretty good so management was more than happy to keep assigning me new ones.

Best call ever with a trainee: One trainee I had was afraid to answer the phone. Kinda tough in our line of work, you gotta get over that. So I told him he was going to answer the next phone call no matter where in the county it was. Moments later a phone line lights up and I don't even give him a chance I push the button and pick up the extension to listen. Trainee: Police Radio, What is your emergency? Caller: A PLANE JUST CRASHED AT MAIN ST AND BROAD ST, ANY TOWN...OH MY GOD!!!!! I look over at my trainee and his mouth is open but nothing is coming out. He looks like a deer just about to be hit by a locomotive. I whisper to him, "Is it a big plane or a little plane?" That's just enough to break the moment and he goes on to handle the call. Needless to say after that one he was no longer afraid of the phone.

Sorry I digressed again. I promise there is a point to all this.

If there was one thing I didn't like about my job it was management. Oh, I know lots of people complain about their bosses. This place was run by a bunch of misogynists. Some were political appointees, some were members of the good ol' boys club and some were just pricks. Either way it wasn't an easy place for a woman to work. The only reason I survived in the early days was because I had big tits, nice legs and did a good job. As time went on it appeared to get better, but it really didn't. The boys just got better at not being so obvious with their remarks. It also helped that even though I had an easy going attitude, in general I didn't take any shit from the assholes. Oh, and if you have one that is particularly annoying, make acquaintance with his wife and watch the spineless wonder stay out of your way. Just saying.

Usually, when I got a new trainee management left the trainee and me alone. It was rare that I would hear from them. Other than the typical progress report the only person who cared was the one who did the schedules so he could know when to expect them to be able to work on their own.

So the next round of trainees become available and I'm assigned a woman who is just about my age. I'm going to call her "Mary." That's kinda unusual, mostly younger folks apply for this job. I like her immediately, she's bright, articulate and I can tell she takes no shit from anyone. Secretly, I wonder how she got the job (okay, she is slim and pretty), they don't usually like to hire women with that personality type. It didn't take long for me to notice that one of our bosses has a problem with her. He was up that woman's ass from day one. I had never had anyone from management question my training style. It was different from most others but it worked so they left me alone. Not this time, "spineless wonder" had it out for her. He hounded me to push her harder. He questioned everything she did. I never felt like I had to protect a trainee before but he had her so unnerved I had to run blocker to keep him away from her. Even with all this going on she was learning her job amazing quick. It wasn't long before she was on her own, but even then she would often come to me for advice on how to avoid conflict with this person. He also made sure she was given the worst shifts available, just to add icing on the cake. Why didn't she just quit? She was recently divorced and raising a young son on her own. It came down to money, she needed the pay and the benefits.

The years passed and other strong willed women were hired. Rumors floated around of conflicts, sexual harassment, intimidation and drug use involving management. At some point I decided that I didn't like my job anymore and wanted to spend more time with my young children. I retired and tried not to look back. Occasionally, I'd run into someone I knew who still worked there and they'd tell me how screwed up things were. I'd always walk away grateful that I left when I did. People still sometimes ask me if I'd go back there to work. I always say you never say never but I can not imagine working there ever again.

I'd heard that a law suit had been filed against management. A couple of women had asked me to testify. But to be quite honest, I had nothing concrete to help them. Sure I'd had an idea what was going on. But having an idea doesn't cut it in a court of law so it was easy for me to say, sorry can't help you.

Today I get a phone call from Mary. The strong voiced, self assured woman I knew is not who I hear on the phone. She sounds weak and exhausted. She tells me that she is one of the women involved in the law suit against the department. I wasn't surprised. She asked me if I would testify that when she was in training she was subjected, almost from the beginning, to harassment. I know this is true. I also know that it was a very long time ago (like 20 years) and my memory for details isn't what it used to be. I also know, from experience, what it is like to testify and be cross examined. Lawyers have a job to do and they don't care about the truth, they only care about getting their job done. They don't care who they shred in the process. I am at a point in my life that I don't think I can put myself through that. Mary hears the hesitation in my voice and starts to cry. She apologizes for crying but I understand she has been through hell. I have heard it from other ex employees of that department. She tells me she understands if I say no. I can't say yes, but I can't just say no without thinking about it, at least overnight.

I've changed in many ways in the last 10 years. I am no longer able to throw myself on the chopping block to help another. When you work as a 911 dispatcher it takes a little bit out of you every time you answer the call. I have used up all I have to give. I need to preserve what I have left for my family and closest friends.

So now I'm the weak one. I can't do it. I'm ashamed of myself for it, but that doesn't change a thing. I can not put myself, and by extension, my family, through it. I'm sorry I let you down.

I am but a shell of my former self.

Reason #3 why we homeschool

2010-03-01T22:33:00.011-05:00

The Dramatic Rise of Anxiety and Depression in Children and Adolescents: Is It Connected to the Decline in Play and Rise in Schooling?

by Dr. Peter Gray

Someone posted this article on one of my home school groups. It's got it's share of psychological gobbley gook but cut through that and it makes some thought provoking points.

In our quest to "prepare" our children for their future are we damaging the foundation that their future rests on?

When I found out that our local school district only had half day kindergarten I was appalled. What the heck are they going to accomplish in 2 1/2 hours. Then when I found out that a short recess was apart of that time I just knew that this was going to be a complete waste of time. It's amazing how much I've changed since my first born boarded the school bus for her first day of school. Back then, for me, school was the best place for my kids to learn. They were giant sponges and school was the ocean of information where they could absorb all of it. They needed to be there to gain the knowledge to succeed. HA, how naive I was.

By sending my kids off to school the opposite of what I expected happened. They went from sponges to rocks. Sinking instead of absorbing. My oldest went from being a curious, questioning, excited about learning kid to a miserable, bored kid. Depression and anxiety was starting to rule her life by the end of first grade. There was no room for pleasure in learning when everything she did was micromanaged. Even if she finished her work early she was made to sit quietly and was punished for "sneaking" a book under her desk to read. Kids today don't even get away from it when they come home. Even in first grade they have homework and projects. By the time she finished all that she didn't even want to pick up a book and read for pleasure. She was too tired to go out and play. She just wanted to veg out in front of the TV for some mindless entertainment.

Child specialists say you should expose your child to as much as possible when they are young. Doesn't that contribute to the over scheduling that our children (and us) live with daily. Isn't too many choices adding to our anxiety and stress levels. Maybe we should go back to letting kids be kids and not filling their time with activities. It's something I need to work on myself.

By treating all children like they were cut from the same mold and by expecting them to all follow the same path we are destroying their creativity and individuality. We file them into classrooms and teach to a test. Grades are more important than learning. School is a period in their life that they just want to get through. Kids today often feel like their life is over before they reach their senior year in high school. Many of them don't even know what they want to do because they have had their hands held for so long they can't make a decision without help. Oh, they can give you open ended answers like go to college or join the military but what direction do they want to take there, so many kids just have no idea.

I hope you take the time to read the article. My ramblings don't even touch the surface of what the article was about. Even if you don't completely agree with it you can't deny that children today suffer from anxiety and depression in record numbers. Unlike what I call the "syndrome of the week" I believe that anxiety and depression really are becoming epidemic in our children.

Cool Endings in Vancouver

2010-02-28T21:08:00.007-05:00

The Olympics are coming to a close tonight. Right now we are watching the closing ceremonies. We are all so tired that it's going to take another week to catch up on sleep. These games started out with sadness and maybe because of that they seem to be ending in triumph. From making fun of themselves while relighting the indoor cauldron to their wonderful celebration of a terrific men's hockey finals, and I don't even like hockey. Canada wins their first gold at a home game, then goes on to win a bunch more. Since snowboarding, moguls and other x-game type sports have joined the Olympics camaraderie between the athletes have reached new levels. Instead of the rivalry and political games from the past (remember the US vs USSR men's hockey finals in 1980?) we have hugs and high fives between the medal winners.

After my disappointment in the Beijing games two summers ago I found these games to be quite refreshing.

I didn't mention it earlier but I love to compare cauldrons and Vancouver's will go down as one of my favorites.

When it malfunctioned during the opening ceremonies it bothered me, first the death of an athlete, then the malfunction. I was left with a feeling that these Olympics would have a black cloud over them. Then the death of an athlete's mother seem to seal it. But Canada should be proud of themselves. Their optimism and grace made these games one of the best in a long time.

Neil Young: Sugar Mountain... Good Bye!

Edited to add 3/1/2010: I thought that was the end but it wasn't, proving once again what a loser I can be. To Be or Not To Be a Loser, that is the question. Sorry about that. Anyway, turns out NBC is the loser. Did you get a look at how they cut the end off just to go to some stupid reality show premiere? Oh and if I wanted to see the rest I had to come back at 11:30. Are you kidding me? After 14 days of sleep deprivation I'm not going to sit through some stupid reality show, you lost me and what little respect I had left for NBC. Jerks.

Anything for a buck

2010-02-26T08:14:00.000-05:00

When I was 17 years old I joined the local fire company. Over the years I fought many a fire, responded to countless accident scenes and even did my share of public relation programs.

Many times the local newspaper would report on what ever had been going on. Sometimes it was spectacular. Like the time a lumber warehouse burned. The wood and paneling stacked inside burned for days. When we arrived on scene flames were 30 feet in the air. It made good news with great pictures. No need to embellish with that one. As you would expect not every call made for such good copy.

I read the newspaper every day. I don't watch TV news, I'm not interested in traffic accidents, shootings and other mayhem. There are so many things going on that are important, but that doesn't make ratings. Fear mongering does though and TV and newspapers thrive on it. But that's another post. Cable news is worse than Congress when it comes to predilection.

The newspaper isn't much better. There were so many times that I would be at a scene with the fire department, or even later as a 911 dispatcher and I'd read about it in the paper the next day and wonder if we were talking about the same incident. The outline was the same but the devil is in the details and apparently when they couldn't get the facts they'd construct their own version of what may or may not have happened. They also don't have a problem leaving out details that make the story less exciting. Apparently, embellishing details doesn't keep anyone up at night either.

As a pit bull owner I'm affected by this bias more than most. Pit Bulls don't get to make an ass of themselves in public the way other breeds can. They aren't alone in this, German Shepard Dogs, Rottweilers, Doberman Pinchers, Chow Chows and Akitas also have to be twice as good as their brothers the Lab's and Poodles. Pit Bulls are a lot of dog. They are intelligent, strong, tenacious and have a mind of their own. The key to training one is to make it think it wants to do something then reward it for doing it. They are not for everybody. But they are a wonderful, loving, faithful dog. As a general rule they make lousy guard dogs, other than the intimidation factor. Most dogs will protect their owner if the need arises even without protection training, it's instinctual to protect a pack member. So when I read a story of a middle aged woman who was killed by a pit bull recently and how the police had to shoot it to get it to stop I wondered what details were left out of that one. It took a little research but this is what I found. The woman killed was a drug addict who had gone to her mothers house to get money. The mother had previously cut off contact with her daughter and when she showed up at her house an altercation occurred. The dog came to the defense of it's owner and attacked the daughter. Police, who had already been called, arrived on scene and shot and killed the dog. They then shot another dog who came to the defense of the first dog. I can't say that the same thing wouldn't of occurred if it was a different breed. The police aren't going to take statements while a dog is attacking someone. There is a percentage of people who own these types of dogs for the macho factor. Contrary to popular belief the majority of Pit Bull owners do not fit the stereotype. I also have no way of knowing what this family was like and the news doesn't want to go there because that might shine a different light on a breed they love to vilify. They also quoted as "fact" that the dog had the woman by the throat when the police arrived. This is exactly the type of "fact" that I used to find scattered throughout calls I was involved in. Of course this is exactly the type of "fact" that is picked up (or made up) listening to spectators comment on what they think happened.

So a tragedy happened. A woman is dead. Another woman has lost her daughter, first to drugs then when her dogs were protecting her and she lost two of her dogs. And The American Pit Bull Terrier suffers another blow to it's already ravaged reputation. There were no winners, except the media who had another story to sensationalize to boost ratings and sell papers.

Overscheduled

2010-02-25T00:56:00.003-05:00

In the last two weeks I have not had a minute to myself. Hours of sleep have been given up just to provide you, faithful readers with entertainment and a look into my twisted view of things.

Cookie Mom duties are coming to a close and it's been a time sucker that's for sure. I'll deny it if anyone asks but it was kinda fun, most of the time. Mainly because the other half of this cookie team made it that way. Getting some blog fodder out of it helped too.

I'm getting ready to test for my last stripe before a belt test in karate and I have not had a moment to practice. At this rate I'll be 50 before I get there. The Engineer makes time to practice, so why can't I you ask? Well, let us see how things go. As an example: Monday night I go to work and The Engineer is home playing Mr. Mom. On the way home from work I grocery shop and I arrive home at about 10PM to find Mr. Mom sitting on the sofa "resting" after spending the last two hours practicing his karate. All three kids dive into the groceries looking for anything quick to eat because what do you know, Mr. Mom hadn't made dinner yet. Yep, he got that workout in but dinner just had to wait. So I made dinner, fed the troops and sent them off to bed. Mr. Mom told me how tired he was, took a shower and went to bed. Mom's are just not wired to be able to blow off feeding the kids just to get in a workout. After some rewiring that night Mr. Mom may rethink his decision next Monday when I go to work.

Schoolwork, theater class, reading club, library trips, boys book club, cookie duties, cookie booths, gym day, play dates, religious school, hamantashen dough for The Vet's class, flour exploded all over the kitchen from hamantashen dough, an extra run to the grocery store because we didn't have enough vanilla for said hamantashen dough, work, karate, violin lessons, piano lesson, guitar lessons, grocery shopping, and for some reason everyone who has ever known me has called me on the phone this week. Tired yet?

Why do men call their wives on the phone and ask them to make a phone call?

We are supposed to get hit with another major snowstorm over the next few days. I can't wait! I might actually get to stay home and do some laundry. Baseball Boy hasn't had socks for a week.

February Blues

2010-02-24T12:31:00.001-05:00

I quit. I want to go to bed and wake up in the spring.

Our Furst Born

2010-02-22T22:30:00.027-05:00

There was a little puppy dog, and he was brown all over

His parents couldn't find a name, and wouldn't call him "Rover."
They looked through sources everywhere, found nothing that would suit
By waiting too much longer, though, the point would soon be moot.

He won't be "Lilliputian", maybe "Gulliver" would fit
(that name would tangle up your tongue when telling him to "sit!")
Some people like a funny name and others like them regal

The same dog you name "Bismarck" would seem different if named "Fleagle"

There's doggie heroes too, you know, "Benji" and "Rin-Tin-Tin"
King Arthur's court had "Merlin," "Lancelot" and "Dinadin."
The Military names are nice, like "Admiral" and "Colonel"
Mythology has lots of names of gods and beasts nocturnal!

So don't lose heart in choosing, there's lots of names out there
From quirks in personality to the color of his hair.
He'll be your most devoted friend, dependable and trusty
A good name for a dog like yours is definitely "Rusty!"

by Just Me, March 1995

On March 24, 1995 we met a woman in a parking lot of a local theater and she handed over a 3 month old ball of fire. He had already had 3 homes in one month. Two days before, our vet (who knew we were looking for a puppy) called and said one of her clients was looking to rehome a male German Shepard/Lab mix. They said he was a hand full, but we thought to ourselves, well yeah, he's a puppy, aren't all puppies a hand full? He came with a blanket and a twelve foot long nylon rope as a leash. He gave the phrase "hand full" new meaning.

He was afraid of the car, probably because every time he got in a car he was left with another owner. We spent weeks getting him used to riding in the car. At first he wouldn't even go in the garage if the car was parked in it. Several hundred slices of cheese later and he decided maybe the car wasn't such a bad place after all. Over the next 13 years he travelled up and down the East Coast with us, always jumping in the car with adventure in his eyes.

We signed him up for training classes as soon as we could. I had spoken to the trainer several times before our classes even started looking for advice. The first night of class The Engineer was away on business and I had to take Rusty by myself. As I was pulling into the driveway of the training center Rusty vomited across the dashboard and it ran right down into the defroster vents. Oh gross, and it was only the start. I walk to the office door and as we enter I see about 8 people and their puppies standing around nicely. Rusty bursts through the door and chaos erupts. Before anyone can react 9 puppies have tangled leashes, everyone is tripping over each other and a temporary folding wall is knocked to the ground. The only one calm is the trainer who is standing behind a counter. Once everyone has their pups under control she turns to me and said, "This must be Rusty." It was the beginning of a long relationship. Two puppy kindergartens, three basic obedience classes and two advanced classes later we finally had a dog we could take out into public without embarrassment. Two years later he earned his CGC (Canine Good Citizen) and became a certified therapy dog.

Let's just talk about those two years for a moment now, shall we. For two years this pup spent all his time on a leash when in the house. If left to his own devices he could dismantle anything in the house within minutes. I would say that if it was edible he would eat it but the truth is, it didn't really matter if it was edible, he'd eat it anyway. Some of the things that passed through his gullet were underwear (two pairs in three days), a light bulb (don't even like to think about what it felt like coming out the other end), an unknown amount of trash, tissues (used were his favorite), chicken carcasses, half a lawn sprinkler and the owners manual for the lawn mower, just to name a few. We had to put toddler locks on the fridge and freezer long before we had kids because he would open the doors and help himself. Tupperware containers didn't stop him, he'd pull the lid off with his teeth. He also liked to take the jar of peanut butter from the cabinet and open it up and lick it clean. Came home once and and found blood all over the carpet in the family room. Holy crap, what did he do to himself? Turns out he took an eye roast from the freezer and ate it.

His favorite thing to do when someone came over was to "retrieve" pillows from the sofa and present the slobbery things to our visitors. It was a big improvement over the first two years when he would run upstairs and grab one of my bra's or underwear to show off to his new "friends."

Rusty grew up to be the best dog I have ever owned. All the hard work and frustration turned him into a wonderful pet. He was so smart if he tangled his lead around something he would back track instead of just pulling. He knew if his feet were dirty he had to wait at the door to get them wiped off instead of just running into the house. We could take him any where, any time. His patience with the kids went beyond the call of duty. The super sized hugs, the clothes they dressed him in. The earrings they hung from his ears to match the necklaces and hair ribbons clipped to his fur. He will always be their softest pillow.

Until we had kids he was the worst watch dog ever. If someone knocked on the door the most you would get out of him was an annoyed look because they woke him up. After the kids were born that all changed. A perfect example was the time my mother in law wanted to take The Scientist for a walk and he wouldn't let her leave the driveway with the stroller. He stood in front of it and growled at her. I had to drag him into the house so she could go and he spent the entire time they were gone pacing back and forth in front of the windows looking for them. If he was in the yard with the kids nothing or no one could enter our property.

The kids in the neighborhood loved him. They would bring dog biscuits to school and when the bus would stop in front of our house they would call him over and throw the biscuits out the window to him. He would get all excited whenever he would see a school bus. The UPS truck also got him all worked up, they never came to the house without dog biscuits either.

His favorite time of year was winter. he loved the cold and the snow. King of the Mountain is a nickname he earned for his love of climbing to the top of the biggest piles of snow he could find. When summer came he'd hide out in the air conditioning. We got him a baby pool so he had a place to cool off and he never minded sharing it when kids came to visit.

He always knew when you needed him to be there and rubbing your fingers through his fur would just drain away the stress after a long, hard day.

Two years ago today he had surgery to remove a large tumor from his hip. When they opened him up and removed the benign tumor underneath was a large vascular malignant tumor. He never completely regained consciousness after surgery and passed away quietly in my arms later that evening.

There will always be a special place for him in my heart. He taught me to be patient and consistent. He made me a better parent. I still miss him and think of him every day.

Rusty 1994-2008

Rest in peace my friend, we'll be together again one day.

Cookie Sales-Danger at every corner

2010-02-21T19:27:00.004-05:00

This weekend we had two cookie booths. The Vet having recovered from her previous injury has been busy making up for lost time selling cookies.

Yesterday was a slow booth in a crowded vestibule at a local grocery store. Outside a group of politicians were handing out flyer's for a cause they were ~~kissing ass~~ supporting. It was pretty crowded outside with them ~~harassing~~ talking to constituents.

People were bursting through the door to escape them and then running right into two girl scouts anxious to sell them a little deadly trans fat in the shape of a delicious box of cookies. Eight flavors take your pick :-)

The Vet was standing by the door as they walked in and as she turned to say something she stepped backward without realizing it. At that moment someone stepped on the electronic mat and the door swung open and smacked her right in the back of the head. No blood, no swelling, just pain and some tears to help wash it away.

The Scientist, always helpful, noted what a great blog post this would make. Hugs and kisses brought things under control and a sale wiped the rest of it away.

Tough kid that she is, she was ready to face another dangerous day just 24 hours after her second injury selling cookies. I'm fed up with putting my kids in such danger over cookie sales. Next weekend we're heading to the skate park so they can work on some tricks on the half pipe.

Just another reason

2010-02-18T21:26:00.007-05:00

This morning I'm ~~wasting time~~ reading through my home school groups and there is a post titled, OT - What do you do for Lent? Since the woman who posted it is a secular homeschooler I figured it would be an interesting topic so I take a peek. She is interested in what people do, if anything, for Lent. Two people answer and give very informative responses. My knowledge of Lent previously fit on a pin head, now I have a much better understanding. But, once again, a certain group member, who also happens to be one of the 1st graders from Girl Scouts, has something to say about it. She is a well known, quite vocal (read: know it all), Fundamentalist Christan. Every time someone posts a question regarding religion, no matter what the religion she sticks in her two cents. My other favorite part is at some point in the conversation someone will give something they do with their kids and she will inevitably comment about how she is going to do that with her daughter, yeah right. Today she said she used to be Catholic but now she is in a bible based church. She always has to stick that in there too. If she would of just talked about what she used to do I could have seen her relevance in this thread. But nope, not her, four posts later she's still going on about it. Posting internet sites etc... The internet can be useful for getting information but the original poster wanted personal thoughts and ideas, she could have looked it up (probably already had) on her own if that is the type of information she wanted. One of the other people who commented checked one of the sites she talked about and was offended by it. It provided a very negative interpretation of Lent and said the observers of Lent were "vain". 1st Grade Mom then had the chutzpah to come back at her and tell her that up until two years ago she was Catholic and that she holds these practices VERY (her emphasis, not mine) close to her heart. Oh yea, so close, that's why she's now with a bible based church. After her nasty comment back to the person she offended no one else commented on the thread. I wondered if anyone else would have contributed to this if 1st Grade Mom wouldn't of hijacked the thread. Just another reason why my urge to start a secular group continues to grow.

A Lost Dog

2010-02-17T00:38:00.003-05:00

There are posters up all around for a lost dog. It's a white pit bull. She's been missing for a while now, since the end of January. Pit Bulls are not good outside dogs, they're more like, sleep on the sofa kinda dogs. We've had such miserable weather the last two weeks and I can't imagine how she has survived.

The kids look every where for her. I find myself scanning the fields as we drive around hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Today, The Vet and Baseball Boy spent two hours, outside, walking around calling her name. They got some local dogs barking and Baseball Boy thought he caught a glimpse of a white dog running through a local farmers field but I think it was just wishful thinking. With so much snow on the ground spotting a white dog isn't going to be easy.

Yesterday I let our dogs out in the yard and Mickey came back pretty quickly but Malka wanted to stay outside. After a while I realized she never came back in and called her. She didn't come right away, which started to make me nervous. I got my shoes on and went outside and didn't see her in the yard. Now I'm repeating to myself that I will not panic, then I notice a small section of the construction fence that has served as a temporary repair for our fence for the last two months is lying on the ground. I'm starting to lose the fight against panic and call her one more time. Trying to keep my voice happy so she'll come was my main focus. The Engineer was looking out the front and spots her across the street. When I call her she starts running towards me. She ran across the road without pause. Thank G-d no cars were coming. It happened so fast I didn't have time to react and if a car was coming she would have been slammed.

Last night I go to bed and can't stop thinking about the missing dog and how close we came to losing Malka. I even had a nightmare that I saw the posters for the white dog and they looked different. I was excited because I thought maybe they wrote found across it but then we got closer and it had Malka's picture on it instead.

The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was call the fence company to come fix the fence. We had been holding off to fix it ourselves in the spring after the ground thawed to save some money. I didn't care anymore. They came out an hour later and fixed the fence. It was the best $100.00 we've spent in a long time.